


A Memoir in Six Acts

by summerwines



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, M/M, Musician Park Chanyeol, Rimming, Writer Kyungsoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-05 03:15:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerwines/pseuds/summerwines
Summary: At twenty-four, Do Kyungsoo finds himself stuck writing a biography for a very stubborn man. In time, Chanyeol opens up to him and the more Kyungsoo discovers, the more things get complicated.





	A Memoir in Six Acts

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Written for prompt #173 for the bottomsoofest. After five months of labor, I’ve finally finished this (which, I might add, is the longest fic I’ve ever written). Explicit scenes come later in the fic and please also beware of _angst_. This fic features some surprise sidepairings that are very minor, and a moderately large cast of characters whose POVs come in from time to time in short vignettes. Lyrics mentioned here are actually from "Heavy" by Linkin Park and "Atlantis" by Seafret. Also, I took some inspiration from Amelie (2001) in the way some parts were written.
> 
> Thank you so much to the mods for organizing this fest. The world needs more bottomsoo goodness, for sure -- and you’ve given us an awesome way to show our love. <3

_**memoir.** n. _

_1: an official note or report_

_2: a narrative composed from personal experience_

_3: an account of something noteworthy_

__

**Act 1.**

At this moment in time, Oh Sehun is fifteen years old.

On a particularly cloudy day, Sehun decides to bike along Hangang Park near the Han River. He rides the newest model from Samchuly: a navy blue frame, brown handlebars, sleek all around, utterly expensive. He figures he’d give it one last spin before it’s taken away, before he needs to go home and face another shitstorm as his mother is bound to berate him once again for failing math. As the wind rushes against his face, Sehun imagines not having to go back home at all. Instead of home, he would bike to the nearest entertainment company, rushing to the CEO’s office and showing him how real pros can move their bodies. Who needs math when you can pop and lock?

Unlike many boys his age, Sehun dislikes team sports of any kind. He hates how all the boys tend to turn on him whenever he does well at volleyball, because otherwise, he doesn’t do well in anything. Other than that, he hates how the straws at school are always too short for his drinks. He hates having to untangle the wires of his earphones whenever he puts them in his pocket. He hates having to sit with his mother every Sunday to read textbooks on higher biology. He hates having to pretend that he wants to be a doctor someday, if only to please his mother, the only person he has in his life. She deserves all the happiness in the world; he just wishes her happiness weren’t at his expense.

Sehun, like many boys, wants to run away and become a pop star. His favorite things in the world are: playing the guitar on school grounds and watching variety shows about babies. More so, he likes it whenever he gets the slightest bit of attention from the taller boy in his art class. He likes buying skincare products endorsed by his favorite idols and eating spicy ramyun with cheese powder. Of course, what he likes most of all is pretending to have a legion of fans while he practices the speech for his debut concert.

Sehun likes to think that he’d eventually have a life like music genius Park Chanyeol’s, as long as he keeps up his habits. In the late 2000s, Park Chanyeol started a band called Red Force, making music that would eventually win the hearts of both the mainstream media and high-and-mighty music critics. From a virtual unknown, Park Chanyeol suddenly became a household name, all thanks to his voice and guitar. He was the man every teenage boy wanted to be: handsome, tall, talented, and unbelievably rich. Over the past few years, Sehun admits he’s developed a bit of a crush on him -- the typical feelings of a young person towards a handsome celebrity.

This is why Sehun gets unbelievably flustered when he actually sees Park Chanyeol in person. He’s sitting on a park bench, along with another man - smaller, with clean-cut hair and soft features. Sehun can only stare from a distance. Luckily, not many people are at the park today because otherwise, they’d notice how very obviously starstruck Sehun is.

Sehun rummages through his backpack and finds that he has a photocard of Park Chanyeol in his wallet. He berates himself for not bringing his copy of the first _Red Force_ album. He shrugs it off quickly and looks for a pen. He remembers how his mother had asked him to take down all the _Red Force_ posters he had in his room; he remembers how he still kept them, deep inside his closet and how he looked at them every now and then for inspiration. On his favorite poster, Park Chanyeol is at the center, looking dashing in a tailored suit, a smirk on his lips, his hair dyed red. Lo and behold, Sehun finally gets to share the same air as him, if only for a few minutes. And he can’t believe he gets to rush over to him to ask for an autograph and perhaps get a tiny whiff of his scent, dignity be damned.

Right now, what Sehun doesn’t know (but eventually will, once he manages what he used to think was unthinkable) is that Park Chanyeol is being interviewed by a man named Do Kyungsoo, who at that very moment, is twenty-four years old.

+++++

When people first meet him, they usually think Kyungsoo is very quiet and polite, unassuming in a way that makes people think that he’s _cute_ or _adorable_ , which Kyungsoo hasn’t decided if he hates or not.

If asked, these are what he’d say are the things he hates the most: the smug way people talk to him when they hear that he’s a struggling writer, the over-familiarity of the salespeople at every department store, and how his roommate, Byun Baekhyun, always leaves cereal packs without taping them or putting them in a plastic container, often forsaking the crunchiness of Cocoa Pops. He also hates having to do interviews, though he, unfortunately, has to do them anyway: many, many times.

Once, Kyungsoo had to interview a man named Park Jin-young, a famous producer who kept averting discussion on his many, many scandals. Kyungsoo hates people like him the most because Kyungsoo’s job at public relations compels him to write stories that cover up for people like him. Long story short, Kyungsoo was mortified when he had to speak with him for a whole hour. “What the _fuck_ is a little boy like you doing here, interviewing someone like me?” Jin-young told him.”Doesn’t your company have any ladies? Tell them to send me one.”

On a regular basis, Kyungsoo de-stresses and forgets about the things he hates by focusing on his most favorite things in the world: early morning train rides, the smell of new books once they’ve been torn from the plastic, and the feeling of rice against his fingers whenever he rinses them before cooking. Lately, he has also taken a liking to the bagel shop on his street, always quiet and perfect for whenever he needs to write.

Today, Kyungsoo has another interview with Park Chanyeol, whom his boss says would be able to give Kyungsoo his “big break” in the publishing industry. Kyungsoo has been commissioned to write Chanyeol’s biography, supposed to be an inspiring account of one man’s journey towards superstardom.

Much like the first interview, Kyungsoo barely gets anything substantial.

Kyungsoo had suggested that they take the interview outside for a change. They could get some fresh air and ease up the tension, which was horribly thick when Kyungsoo first met him. Chanyeol seemed irritated by all of Kyungsoo’s questions before; he laughed at many, especially those that asked about his artistic process. He was barely answering; instead, he began telling Kyungsoo about all the times reporters had asked him the same question. For the first interview, Kyungsoo had him for barely forty minutes, as Chanyeol had to run to another meeting.

This time, Kyungsoo is determined to warm Chanyeol up, though, by the looks of it, he has yet to succeed.

“And what did you say your mother does for a living?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Didn’t say anything about that,” Chanyeol says, taking a sip from his coffee cup. “I only said she liked to cook. God, are you even listening? But if you _have_ to ask, she owns a restaurant.”

“Right,” Kyungsoo says, exasperated. “And where is the restaurant located? It doesn’t seem to be on the media’s radar.”

“And I want it to stay that way,” Chanyeol says. “Next question.”

“Oh.” _Right, right, right_. “Well--Uh--”

Chanyeol snickers. “Cat got your tongue?”

“No.” Kyungsoo bites his lower lip, trying to hold back his annoyance. He grips the recorder in his left hand. “I was just about to ask about your father.”

“My dad runs the restaurant with my mom,” Chanyeol says. “Nothing much to him apart from that.”

“Oh, okay. Does he--You know what, never mind. Let’s talk about the band again. Could you tell me how you guys met?”

“I could,” Chanyeol goes. He downs his coffee this time before he turns his head facing the nearest trashcan a few meters away. Chanyeol aims, mimicking the stance of a basketball player. He tries shooting the cup, fails, shrugs. Kyungsoo watches, silently.

“So… About the bandmates?”

Before Chanyeol ever gets to answer, someone interrupts their conversation. Kyungsoo doesn’t know where he came from, as the teenage boy just suddenly comes into their line of vision. Both he and Chanyeol look at him. Kyungsoo cocks an eyebrow, while Chanyeol seems amused, smiling. The boy is tall and lanky; a blush floods his cheeks.

“Y--You’re Park Chanyeol,” the boy says. His flustered face morphs into a grin: ecstatic and youthful.

“Yeah, indeed I am,” Chanyeol says, smiling. “And you are?”

“I’m--I’m Oh Sehun! And I’m a _huge_ fan. I can’t stress just how huge. My--My whole room--God, never mind. I--” Sehun bows his head and presents a photocard and pen in Chanyeol’s direction. “I’d like to get your autograph!”

Kyungsoo can’t help the roll of his eyes, though he admits that he feels a bit sorry for the kid, who’s about to learn what Park Chanyeol is really like.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve, don’t you, kid?” Chanyeol says. He and Kyungsoo share a look. Chanyeol appears to be up to something; the face he makes signals it: a glint in his eye, the crooked curve of his lips.

Chanyeol takes the card and the pen from Sehun’s hands. “Before I give this back,” Chanyeol starts. “Let me buy you an ice cream.”

“ _What_?” Sehun and Kyungsoo say this almost simultaneously, in very different intonations.

This is how Kyungsoo ends up tailing Chanyeol, whose arm loops the shoulders of a blubbering teenage boy. Very obviously, this seems to be the best day of Sehun’s life. His face becomes swamped with bliss when Chanyeol hands him the ice cream cone and he’s even more ecstatic when Chanyeol asks him about his life.

“I’ve always wanted to be a musician, like you,” Sehun says. The three of them are seated under a patio umbrella, all of them with ice creams, all Chanyeol’s treat. “But I don’t think my mom will ever let me. She wants me to be a doctor. Like her.”

“That sucks, man,” Chanyeol tells him. “But you wanna know what I think?”

Sehun exclaims, “Of course!”

Kyungsoo sighs and watches as Chanyeol ruffles the boy’s hair before he says, “Whatever it is that you want to do, I’m sure you can convince her to be happy with it. We’re pretty similar, you know. My mom didn’t want me to be a musician either, but look where I am now! She liked music, sure, but she never thought it was a good way to earn money. But I worked hard, showed her what I could do, and well, let’s just say she couldn’t be prouder.”

Sehun’s eyes look as if they’re filled with glitter. _Fucking amazing_ , Kyungsoo thinks. Now he realizes that Chanyeol must really hate his guts.

But of course, Kyungsoo can’t bring himself to call Chanyeol out. Instead, he takes all the punches and bites back his tongue when Chanyeol promptly ends their meeting after giving Sehun back the autographed card. When Sehun leaves, Chanyeol tells Kyungsoo that he has to run as well, because he still has some work to do.

He gives Kyungsoo a boop on the nose, making Kyungsoo’s face crumple up. “Catch ‘ya later,” Chanyeol says, standing up and leaving Kyungsoo with a sense of abandonment as he’s left alone under the patio umbrella.

When he’s back at his apartment, Kyungsoo calls up his boss, Lee Kwangsoo, and hopes he could convince the guy to let him off the assignment.

“This is really difficult, sir,” Kyungsoo says. “I don’t know what else I could do to make him talk to me.”

“C’mon, it’s only been - what - your second meeting? Give it some time. I’m sure he’ll come around.”

Kyungsoo bites his lip. He mentions to Kwangsoo what happened today with Sehun and Dongwook laughs about it, telling him that it’s awfully sweet, how Park Chanyeol seems to care about his fans.

“Sure, it’s kind of sweet,” Kyungsoo says. “But he very obviously did that just to avoid talking to me.”

Kwangsoo sighs. “You know what, Kyungsoo--This isn’t my problem, okay? You were assigned to this, and you’re doing it. It’s one of the biggest things our firm’s ever done and we’re trusting you with it. So I reckon now’s not the time to act all whiny on me. You just have to find some way to make him like you. And don’t call me again unless you’ve got something substantial. You got that? We’re paying you good money for this, Kyungsoo. And you don’t even have to come to the office. It’s like you’re on extended leave, for god’s sake. So that’s another reason why you shouldn’t complain.”

“But I--”

“No but’s. I’m hanging up, okay? Goodbye, Mr. Do.”

Kyungsoo closes his eyes as the phone goes silent. At this point, he prepares himself to resign to the fact that he has no way out of this job.

For the rest of his day, Kyungsoo puts on his reading glasses and reviews the little notes he was able to gather from the interview. He transcribes his recording onto his laptop, only taking a break when Baekhyun enters his room, in the unceremonious fashion of a roommate who cares little about privacy and personal space. Though by now, Kyungsoo’s grown used to it.

“Yo,” Baekhyun goes, plopping his rear onto Kyungsoo’s bed. He’s on his phone, probably browsing social media. Kyungsoo swivels his chair to him and adjusts his glasses.

Straight to the point, Kyungsoo says, “Could I ask you for advice?”

Baekhyun’s eyes light up, his attention turning to Kyungsoo. “Of course! What for?”

He tells Baekhyun about Park Chanyeol and the book Kyungsoo’s been commissioned to write. Baekhyun nods along and Kyungsoo tries his best to sound as objective as possible about the whole situation.

“Oh, sweetie.” Baekhyun looks at him worriedly. “So you need help to make him like you?”

Kyungsoo sighs and nods. “That’s the plan.”

Baekhyun rubs his chin. He lifts up an index finger as if to signal an idea. Afterwards, his attention returns to his phone. He seems to be searching for something, typing something up on the Internet.

“Are you willing to go a bit more-- _immersive_?” Baekhyun asks.

Kyungsoo’s eyebrow quirks up. “What do you mean?”

“You know how I work at a temp agency, right?”

“Uh, yeah. But I don’t know how that’s relevant.”

“Well, dear. In this context, it’s pretty relevant. Just check this out.” Baekhyun shows Kyungsoo the screen of his phone. On it, there’s an email with details of a casual assistant job for, as it happens, _Park Chanyeol of SM Entertainment_.

“What are you suggesting?”

“This is just off the top of my head, yeah? And I’ll probably get in trouble for this.” Baekhyun explains himself, looking convinced that his idea is phenomenal. “I know it’s pretty extreme, but why don’t you try and convince this guy to let you be his assistant? That way, you could get to know him more and at the same time, show him you’re--I dunno--a pretty cool person?”

“But that’s crazy.”

“Crazy enough to work, don’t you think?” Baekhyun waggles his eyebrows and Kyungsoo deadpans -- a look of utter confusion.

“I don’t think my boss would allow it.”

“Pfft, he told you to do everything in your power, right? Well, it looks to me like this would be a good step in that direction. Besides, you could do this pro bono and it won’t breach your contract with the firm, right?”

Kyungsoo considers this. He curls his fingers on his lap and presses his knees together. “What makes you think Chanyeol would agree?”

“I don’t!” Baekhyun says. “But it’s worth a shot, don’t you think?”

With the way Baekhyun is selling it, Kyungsoo starts to think the idea makes a lot of sense, especially with his current situation. He just cannot fathom how he’d be able to bear whatever Chanyeol might throw at him. The thought of it already makes Kyungsoo feel small and degraded.

“Right,” Kyungsoo sighs. “Forward me that job description. I’ll make this happen.”

“Great!” goes Baekhyun, springing up and settling his hands on Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “Trust me, Kyungsoo. You’ll thank me for this.”

Kyungsoo highly doubts it, but at the end of the day, he’ll take whatever option he can get.

 

**Act 2.**

In SM Entertainment’s high-rise office, there is a corner on the third floor reserved for a few employees that were hired in secret. On paper, they are marketing assistants for Red Force merchandise. If someone were to dig through the records, they would notice that there are close to fifty assistants for that sole purpose. It’s a well-kept secret that much of these employees actually co-moderate forums, fansites, and dummy accounts for the company’s idols. Such employees serve as their CEO’s eyes and ears on social media.

Kim Minseok, at twenty-seven years old, has long felt that he’s been growing out of this job, but his passion for idols and considerable lack of prospects have compelled him to stay after all these years.

A month into the book deal, Minseok meets Kyungsoo, the man assigned to write Park Chanyeol’s biography. Apparently, Minseok’s been offered as an important resource for information on Chanyeol’s life. “Really? Me?” Minseok says, when Kyungsoo explains this to him, as they’re led into one of the conference rooms.

“Your supervisor tells me you moderate one of Chanyeol’s fansites? And I heard you’ve been doing that for seven years.”

“That I have,” Minseok says, though hearing this piece of truth makes him feel a little sad and a little more nervous about the things Kyungsoo might ask him.

He has to admit, however, that it’s a big consolation that his interviewer is one of the cutest guys he’s ever met. He looks prim and proper, in his white button-up and blue tie. His cheeks, for one, look constantly flushed and his lips are curved in the manner of a heart. Out of all the things he can think of, Minseok reckons his most favorite thing in the world is the rush one feels the first time you meet someone attractive.

The reason Minseok loves idols so much is, quite frankly, for much the same reason: they’re attractive and looking at them makes him feel good. He likes sharing these sentiments on forums, where he’s known as _redforceenthusiast1990_. More than that, he likes that he knows what many of the idols are up to on a daily basis. Admittedly, the voyeurism makes him feel dirty at times, but for the most part, he likes the power the information has given him.

Minseok’s least favorite things in the world are: the lies people spread on social media and the way people hound him whenever he tries to defend his company’s idols. More so, he hates the nagging feeling that he needs to put a stop to this someday, that he’ll have to let go of this profession sooner or later. He hates the stares he gets on the street when he wears his Girls Generation t-shirt, pink and bright. He hates looking over at his colleagues’ perpetually messy desks, full of crumpled papers and incoherent write-ups, how no one else seems to be trying to make an effort to make this job look clean and dignified.

He fiddles with the strings of his hoodie while Kyungsoo tries to get more information out of him, information that Chanyeol hasn’t been able to give, it seems.

“His bandmates are difficult to get a hold of. SM promised that they’d set up a meeting and nothing has pushed through so far,” Kyungsoo says, looking exasperated on his seat. “So I’m really sorry I had to turn to you.”

“No biggie.” Minseok smiles. He fixes his hair and licks his lips. After this interview, he hopes to ask Kyungsoo out. So he makes sure to provide as much information as he can about Chanyeol and the band -- Yixing, Luhan, and Jongin. As a short overview of their individual personalities, Minseok gives Kyungsoo tidbits of what he knows of their lives before the band. Yixing, the band’s keyboardist, was working hard to inherit his father’s Michelin star Chinese restaurant, which he’s still passionate about up to this day. Luhan, on the other hand, already had a following before joining as the band’s drummer, having modeled for commercial brands time and again. Jongin, meanwhile, was hard at work studying business before he joined his best friend Chanyeol as the band’s lead bassist. The four of them had been close since middle school and they actually formed the band ages before they were officially signed. But it was when a jobless Chanyeol brought them together in one room and presented to them his ideas for an all-new musical direction that they solidified themselves to become Red Force.

Afterwards, Minseok provides a list of names Kyungsoo could refer to, relevant people who’ve both worked with and befriended Park Chanyeol. At the top of the list, he marks one name with a star. “Son Seungwan,” Minseok explains, “--is Chanyeol’s ex. Rumor has it, the two of them still speak often. And she pretty much inspired the first Red Force album. Like, Chanyeol was really in love with her -- crazy in love, up until their break up. In the second album, one of their songs actually talks about this. It’s _Promise_ , if I remember correctly.”

“Interesting,” Kyungsoo goes. “This is all very helpful.”

Minseok wants to expand more and keep Kyungsoo longer, but then a buzzing noise comes -- the ringing of Kyungsoo’s phone. Kyungsoo checks and immediately looks panicked at what he reads. This leads him to spring to his feet, apologize, and cut their meeting short.

“Maybe we could talk some other time?” Minseok says. “Over drinks perhaps?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes go wide and for a moment, Minseok thinks he’s disgusted. But then his lips curve up and he nods, “Sure. I’ll give you my number.”

The piece of paper where Kyungsoo writes his number quickly gets pinned onto Minseok’s cork board. Giggling at his success, he draws a heart and a smiley beside it.

A few hours later, intern Yerim calls Minseok over to her desk and asks him to check what she found on social media. It’s a series of pictures, all taken by a fan at a Dolce & Gabbana. Surprisingly, the first contains Do Kyungsoo holding up coat. The second is of Park Chanyeol, taking the coat from Kyungsoo’s hands. In the third, Kyungsoo helps Chanyeol with a tie. Both their faces are serious throughout each photograph.

“What is going on?” Minseok says, eyebrows furrowing.

“Based on what the fan said, Chanyeol’s got a new assistant,” Yerim explains.

“But that’s crazy,” Minseok says.

Though suddenly, it all makes sense why Kyungsoo had to leave so quickly.

In due time, Minseok will learn the full extent of Kyungsoo’s immersion in Chanyeol’s life. Once the book reaches the shelves and once a copy leaks online, Minseok will also learn that this little trip to Dolce & Gabbana is but an insignificant part -- a prologue, if you will -- of all the things Kyungsoo was about to experience.

+++++

Kyungsoo sighs out loud. “You really don’t know how to do your own tie? You’re almost thirty, you know.”

“I just never do it right,” Chanyeol says, as he stares at himself in the mirror.

Kyungsoo would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy this. There’s something that amuses him so much about seeing a famous person struggle with the smallest things. And Kyungsoo thinks it’s a show of character, which is exactly the kind of thing he needs to obtain from this arrangement. In his three weeks working as Chanyeol’s assistant, Kyungsoo thinks he’s achieved some breakthroughs, learning little by little how the real Park Chanyeol behaves.

They’re in the car with Chanyeol’s driver when Kyungsoo tries to talk to him about the book and his meeting today with Kim Minseok. He’s on the passenger seat with his notebook open, so Kyungsoo can’t immediately see the expressions Chanyeol makes as they speak.

“Hm. I think I’ve met that guy before,” Chanyeol says. “He’s pretty _out there_ , don’t you think?”

“He was actually really nice,” Kyungsoo says, fondly recalling the way they ended things. “But that’s beside the point. He gave me a list of names of some people you might know, so I wanted to run them through you before I talk to any of them.”

“What? Why the fuck--Whose names did he give?”

“Well, there’s this girl--Son Seungwan? He said she was your girlfriend?”

“He said what?”

“Oh, it’s just--He said you were together and that you were still friends? And he said she inspired a lot of your songs, so I thought that’d be a good thing to explore.”

Chanyeol chuckles. “That guy doesn’t know me at all,” he says. “Seungwan’s a friend. Always has been. Nothing more than that.”

“Oh. Then why--”

“We’ve got a lot of pictures together, so that’s probably why. But I’ve known that girl since I was a baby. So of course we’d have pictures together.”

Kyungsoo notes all of this down. “Right,” he goes, now realizing that talking to Minseok might not have been the best idea. “So who inspired your first album if not her?”

There’s a pregnant pause before Chanyeol speaks. “It wasn’t--anyone in particular.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes swerve to the driver, who appears stoic and nonchalant. He sighs. “Well, if you say so.”

“Just show me that list later, and if you need to talk to anyone, I’ll make it happen.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo turns to him, seeing Chanyeol’s face averted towards the window. Kyungsoo offers him a smile, “That’d be great.”

“Sure,” Chanyeol says, without meeting his eyes. “But you’ve got to make sure my new suit doesn’t go to waste and I get those reservations for Pierre Gagnaire next week.”

Kyungsoo writes this down in his notebook. “You taking someone out?”

“Yes,” Chanyeol says. “As a matter of fact, I will.”

“Then consider it done.”

“Right. Good.”

Over the weeks, Kyungsoo’s learned that it’s so much easier to take Chanyeol’s orders with a smile and a nod. For one, it makes their conversations go much smoother, allowing Kyungsoo to dig deeper into Chanyeol’s life without much argument.

Once they’ve arrived at Chanyeol’s house, Kyungsoo puts the new suit in Chanyeol’s walk-in closet, which is still one of the most ridiculous things he has ever seen. Kyungsoo has to pass a line of shoe shelves before he even gets to the part for Chanyeol’s suits. Kyungsoo asked the other day if Chanyeol has even actually worn all those shoes and Chanyeol merely gave him a nod and a “sure.”

Upon leaving Chanyeol’s closet, Kyungsoo finds Chanyeol eating a bowl of cereal at his kitchen counter. Kyungsoo grabs a stool so he can sit beside him. Another thing Kyungsoo’s noticed over the past few days is that Chanyeol doesn’t mind if Kyungsoo makes himself comfortable inside his house, as long as Kyungsoo doesn’t cross any boundaries.

“You know, I actually lied a while ago,” Chanyeol says, having gulped down some of his cereal.

Kyungsoo brings out his notebook and phone from his sling bag, ready for some kind of revelation. “Oh? What about?”

“Someone _did_ inspire me to write the first album. But it wasn’t who everyone thinks it is.”

“Really now.” Kyungsoo opens his notebook and prepares his pen. “Tell me more.”

“It was a man,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “So it was your best friend or something?”

“No. My boyfriend,” Chanyeol continues. He says it like it’s nothing but already, Kyungsoo can sense a fakeness in this nonchalance because of the way Chanyeol avoids his eyes.

“Hm. So what was his name?”

Chanyeol chuckles, eating more of his cereal. “So you’re not at all surprised?”

Kyungsoo smiles. “I’m not one to judge. And just so you know, all my relationships have been with other men, so really, I’d be a hypocrite to judge you.”

Chanyeol puts down his spoon and looks at Kyungsoo amusedly. “Well,” he goes. “His name was Jongdae.”

“And how long were you together?”

“Two and a half years, though I knew him for about a year before we started going out. He broke up with me right after the first album was released. Hurt like a bitch.”

“Could I ask why you broke up?”

“If you listened to our second single, you’d know.”

“Second single? Um…” Kyungsoo flips through his notes. “Is it--ah, yes. _Don’t Know Why_?”

“That’s the one,” Chanyeol says. “So if you listen to it closely, you’ll notice that the snake is actually a metaphor for, well--Jongdae falling for another guy.”

“That’s awful,” Kyungsoo says. He feels that his desire to request for more information would be inappropriate for this context, so he hopes for Chanyeol to continue.

To Kyungsoo’s surprise, Chanyeol starts to narrate the story of his relationship with Kim Jongdae. Kyungsoo opens the recorder on his phone and he writes all the pertinent details that come out of Chanyeol’s story. Apparently, it was Chanyeol’s bandmate, Jongin, that introduced them when they’d been in the initial stages of the band’s formation. Like Jongin, he was a business student. Chanyeol had been attracted most to the friendly air that always seemed to follow him. Plus, he was a wonderful singer, to the point that Chanyeol invited him to join the band. But Jongdae politely declined.

“We drifted off at some point,” Chanyeol says, “But when he told me he’d fallen in love with someone else, it still hurt.”

Kyungsoo would ask who it was, but he thinks it would steer the conversation into territory he didn’t want to cross. Instead, he tries asking Chanyeol about how he started writing his music. To this, Chanyeol replies that he would usually find a space at the park near his old apartment and sit for hours mulling over song lyrics. At times, he’d bring his guitar to try creating melodies, though most of the time he makes the chords with his bandmates.

“Jongdae came with me a lot when I was writing the songs,” Chanyeol says. “So people ought to thank him for that first album. There wouldn’t be one without him.”

Kyungsoo smiles and nods. He wonders, then, how he’ll ever work this all into the biography. Would it be possible to be completely honest without Chanyeol receiving any sort of backlash?

This thought makes him silent and he has to pretend that he’s still writing something coherent in his notebook. In truth, he’s just restating information he’s already put down.

Chanyeol sighs. “I’ve given you a mouthful today, haven’t I?”

Kyungsoo laughs in a manner of nervousness. “Not at all,” he says. “But I better call up the restaurant in a bit so I can make that reservation.”

The call takes only a short time and the reservation is made quickly once the staff member hears the name Park Chanyeol. This part of Kyungsoo’s new job has never been hard, as one call to any establishment always results in a quick transaction once Kyungsoo reveals for whom he is working. Fortunately, Kyungsoo need not return to an awkward conversation after he makes the call; instead, he finds Chanyeol fiddling with his guitar in his studio.

“Do you still need me today?” Kyungsoo asks, standing by the door. “I got you the reservation for Monday and your schedule’s set for the next couple of weeks. So if there’s nothing else, I think I better go.”

“Oh--” Chanyeol looks at him, somehow surprised at Kyungsoo’s question. “Well, not really, so--Sure, go on ahead.”

Kyungsoo bows. “Thank you,” he says.

Chanyeol snickers. “No need for that, man,” he says. “You know what, give yourself a break until Sunday. I’ve been keeping you with me for way too long.”

“But the book--”

“Screw the book,” Chanyeol says, waving a hand. “Plus, you could use the time off to look for something nice to wear for Monday.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow. “Wait - am I going to that? I thought you had a date?”

Chanyeol sighs. “Well, it’s not really a date.” He puts down his guitar and approaches Kyungsoo to put a hand on his shoulder. With a smile, he continues to say, “It’s more like a thank you gift. For all your hard work.”

It takes a minute of dull silence before Kyungsoo fully processes what Chanyeol just said.

“You’re - taking me out? Me?”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “Yes, you!” He lets go of Kyungsoo’s shoulder and turns back around, returning to his original preoccupation. “I’ll be driving to your apartment building at eleven in the morning. So I hope you’re ready by then.”

“Oh. Sure.” He doesn’t even ask if he gets a say in this because he’s fairly sure that he doesn’t. It’s not that he’s annoyed: It’s just very, very strange.

“Now get out of here,” Chanyeol says, starting to play a few chords. “You’re distracting me.”

Kyungsoo holds the doorframe, feeling suddenly unable to leave. Chanyeol immerses himself, again, in his guitar, playing a tune from an old album. Only after five minutes does Kyungsoo decide to leave, suddenly aware that he’s intruding on something. He walks out of the house wordlessly, still befuddled by what Chanyeol just said.

That day, he goes home to an empty apartment, with Baekhyun still at work. He feels too tired to work so he decides to sit back on his couch to watch a drama on the television. It’s still a commercial break when he goes to KBS 1 and just as he starts to get into a particularly funny commercial about toothpaste, he gets a text message from Kim Minseok.

_Hey, it’s Minseok. Saw ur pic on the internet today. What was that abt?_

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. Immediately, he texts back and asks what in heck’s name Minseok is talking about. For this, Kyungsoo gets a quick response in the form of a link to a Naver page. Here, he finds a grainy picture of himself helping Chanyeol at the Dolce & Gabbana. The caption reads: _Park Chanyeol spotted with new assistant_.

It was only a matter of time, Kyungsoo thinks. He’s never expected anyone to know his name, let alone the work he actually does, but he still feels embarrassed now that he’s known as Park Chanyeol’s _assistant_. Now, though, he feels like he has to work a little extra so no one finds out that he’s doubling as Chanyeol’s assistant and biographer. Such a revelation would certainly make him look crazy.

With Minseok, though, he knows there’s nothing he can hide.

_It’s nothing. Not really his assistant, I swear. I just have an arrangement with him._

_What kind of arrangement?_

_I can’t really say._

_Tell me over drinks? You free tomorrow night?_

Kyungsoo stares at the text for a good five minutes, mulling over Minseok’s suggestion. A while ago, he would have been fine meeting with him. After all, it’s been quite some time since he’s had anything close to a date and Minseok seems like a nice enough guy. But their current circumstances now convince him that engaging with Minseok any further would be anything but a good idea.

_Sorry. Don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe some other time._

Minseok takes a while to respond. Kyungsoo is already fifteen minutes into a drama when he gets another text. It’s not much, just an “okay” and a smiley face, which Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to make of.

Later, Baekhyun arrives and crashes on the couch with him, heaving out his exhaustion from work. He looks like he’s about to doze off on Kyungsoo’s lap but the things Kyungsoo starts to tell him make his eyes shoot open.

“He _what_ now?”

“He asked me out to lunch. And he told me to take a break. It’s all very confusing, really.”

Baekhyun sits up and raises an eyebrow. “Hm,” he goes, rubbing his chin. “Well, it looks to me that our plan’s working out after all.”

“Yeah, I guess so…”

“So what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It just feels weird, you know? He even asked me to dress nice.”

“Well, that’s Park Chanyeol for you. He’s supposed to be a fashionista right? Shouldn’t be _too_ weird that he wants you to dress nice.”

“Fashionista? Barely. He, like, wears Adidas sandals on a daily basis.”

“Really now?” Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. “Well, whatever. Still isn’t too weird. So I suggest you just chill, yeah? Use this break to get back your sanity. You need it, I’m sure.”

Baekhyun’s right, of course. For the next few days, Kyungsoo distances himself from the project and spends some time with his hobbies. He reads a total of two pocketbooks in a span of four days. Friday night, he goes out with Baekhyun and his friend, Junmyeon, for drinks and karaoke. Sunday morning, Kyungsoo attempts to find a cheap but nice-looking coat and tie for the lunch date, which Chanyeol emails him about later in the day.

_Driving to yours at 11. Send me the address._

Kyungsoo sends it, with a smiley face for good measure. Chanyeol replies back saying “got it” with a smiley face of his own.

Baekhyun has a day off from work the next day, so he waits with Kyungsoo by the entrance of their building, a cold breeze forcing them to tug on their coats. Kyungsoo feels ridiculous in his blazer and tie but he knows he’ll feel even more ridiculous if he’d only worn a shirt while Chanyeol wore Dolce & Gabbana.

“I still can’t believe you’re going on a date with him,” Baekhyun chants, pinching Kyungsoo’s arm.

“What? Baekhyun, you’re making this weird. You told me this wasn’t gonna be weird. It’s not a date. Just...lunch. With my boss. Sort of.” Kyungsoo sighs. “But it does feel like a date, doesn’t it? God, why the _fuck_ did he ask me out on a date, Baek? This is weird.”

“I _know_ right?” Baekhyun grins, wiggling his eyebrows.

Chanyeol arrives in his BMW at five minutes past eleven. Kyungsoo gasps a little as he watches the car stop by the sidewalk. He and Baekhyun share a look.

The window rolls down and Kyungsoo is met with Chanyeol’s smiling face, sunglasses over his eyes and everything.

“Hello,” Chanyeol says. “Looking nice today.”

Baekhyun leans down. “Hi! I’m Baekhyun. Kyungsoo’s roommate.” He reaches out a hand. “I’m a _huge_ fan.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol raises an eyebrow as he takes Baekhyun’s hand to give it a shake. “Well, nice to meet you, I guess.”

Kyungsoo fidgets. He looks at Baekhyun and nods. “Right, Baek, I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, we better get going,” Chanyeol says, smiling again. “Or we might miss those reservations.”

Kyungsoo is finally able to breathe when they drive off. Chanyeol offers to put on some music and Kyungsoo nods. A soft tune from an English band plays on the radio, the song upbeat yet the voice of the singer sounding somehow melancholic. Kyungsoo makes a mental note to ask Chanyeol about the band later on.

“You look nervous,” Chanyeol says, a soft glance at Kyungsoo.

“It’s just—These fancy restaurants are new to me. I don’t know what to expect.”

Chanyeol smiles and quickly squeezes one of Kyungsoo’s hands. “You’ll love it.”

For half the ride, the two of them are quiet. In the middle of traffic, they sing along to familiar songs on the radio, Kyungsoo giggling when Chanyeol purposefully sings off tune. Chanyeol asks Kyungsoo what type of music he likes and Kyungsoo tells him how he’s been getting into old ballads lately, though he mostly listens to current pop music.

“I assume you read?” Chanyeol asks.

“I do, yeah. A bit too much. I spend most of my free time reading non-fiction. History books, memoirs, all that stuff.”

“Interesting,” Chanyeol says, another glance, a soft smile in Kyungsoo’s direction.

It pains Kyungsoo that Chanyeol doesn’t offer information back and he really wants to ask more questions, but he doesn’t want this to turn into another interview. He just smiles and lets Chanyeol do most of the talking.

There’s one question that Kyungsoo does get to ask, as the question continues to nag him.

“Why are we doing this again?”

Chanyeol shakes his head and laughs. “A gift,” he says, simply.

“A gift for what?”

“You kidding me? I’ve had you wrapped around my fingers for, what, a month? And to be honest, I’ve started feeling like an asshole.”

“You only realized that after a whole month?”

Chanyeol gives him a look. “Hey. Don’t be cheeky.”

Kyungsoo bites his lip. “Whatever you say, boss.”

Chanyeol laughs.

They arrive at the restaurant shortly after. By the manner he’d been addressed and the immediacy by which the staff took Chanyeol’s coat, not even offering a look in Kyungsoo’s direction, it seems apparent that Chanyeol’s been here several times, among the wooden seats and in the company of other wealthy people.

“I’m friggin hungry, aren’t you?” Chanyeol says this as soon as they’re seated at one of the red booths. He smiles and casually takes the menus from the waiter, who likewise hands one to Kyungsoo.

After a quick scan, Chanyeol orders. “I’ll have the Spaghetti Vongole, minestrone soup, and some red wine?”

Chanyeol hands the menu back to the waiter and asks Kyungsoo what he’d like. Kyungsoo scans the menu and can’t seem to understand what’s inside any of the food choices, so he opts for an easy way out.

“Just—the same.” Kyungsoo doesn’t mean for the words to come out as awkwardly as they do. He hands the menu back to the waiter and hopes Chanyeol will make nothing of the whole situation.

When they’re left to themselves, Chanyeol starts talking, though not without lighting a cigarette. He offers one to Kyungsoo and he accepts it, letting out a cough as he takes his first whiff.

“Do Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol chuckles and blows smoke high into the air. “I’ve always wanted to ask if that meant anything.”

“My name?”

Chanyeol nods.

“Well, my parents always told me it meant _bright and flowering_ , but I’m not completely sure.”

Chanyeol grins. “That’s pretty.”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “And yours? Does your name mean anything?”

Chanyeol lets out smoke from his mouth. “Fruitful,” he says.

“I like that,” Kyungsoo says, offering a smile. He makes a mental note to squeeze that into one of the chapters. “Chanyeol the fruitful one.”

Their appetizer, the minestrone soup, arrives a minute later and Chanyeol digs in immediately. Kyungsoo is left unsure whether he should follow suit or wait for some sort of signal. Whatever that might be.

“So have you always wanted to work for PR?” Chanyeol asks.

Kyungsoo almost chokes on the soup. He chuckles.

“No, definitely not,” he shakes his head.

“So what is it that you actually want to do? What keeps you alive?”

Kyungsoo finds the question odd, though he provides an honest answer, “I write creative nonfiction.”

“Oh? Well, that makes sense. Have you had anything published? Something I might have read?”

“No, no, it’s really just a hobby for now. Most of my stories are stuffed in my sock drawer. Like, I’ve never so much as shown them to anyone.”

“That’s a shame.” Chanyeol starts to smoke again. He bites the inside of his cheek. “You should show me sometime. Invite me to yours.”

Kyungsoo gulps hard, then shrugs. “Yeah, why not?”

The waiter comes to serve them their wine and the main course. The way Chanyeol eats the pasta is elegant, slow. “I’m starving,” he says, as he works the fork to eat the noodles.

“What do you do on your days off?” Chanyeol asks.

Kyungsoo uses the napkin to wipe his lip before he answers. “Nothing much, lately. The book’s been taking up most of my time, to be honest.”

“About that...” Chanyeol sighs. “Why don’t we put a pause on the whole thing? Like, for a month or two.”

“What? Why?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “It’s been kind of a drag, don’t you think? I never wanted to do it anyway. I’ve told you that, right? And--quite frankly, this whole assistant thing was meant to be a joke. Didn’t think you’d take it so seriously. But don’t get me wrong. I’m pleased that you did.”

“I understand that, Chanyeol. But you have to understand that I have to make the most of my time here. I mean, I had a feeling you were messing with me, so I’m glad you wanna end that. But I don’t think putting a hold on the book is a good idea.”

Chanyeol leans back in his chair. He sighs again. “It was worth the shot.”

“I do hope you’ll be more cooperative now,” Kyungsoo says.

Chanyeol shakes his head. “Sure,” he says, then smiles. “Anything.”

“Are you still messing with me?”

“I’m not. I promise. You’re a good guy, Kyungsoo. A really good guy.” Chanyeol leans forward and then places a hand above Kyungsoo’s. “I’m starting to feel like you’re the sort of person I can trust. I hope that doesn’t sound weird. It’s just the way I feel.”

Chanyeol’s hand is warm. “It’s not weird,” Kyungsoo says, even though the feeling in his stomach is telling him otherwise. “This will make our jobs much easier.”

“Our jobs. Sure.” Chanyeol lets go of him and averts his attention back to the food.

They eat silently for a few moments before Chanyeol adds another thought. “If you don’t mind, there’s one more thing I’d like you to do. As my assistant, that is.”

“Oh. What is it?”

“If you remember, my birthday’s actually coming up. And I wanted to hold a party at my house. You think you can help me sort that out?”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “I don’t see why not.”

Chanyeol nods, smiles, then looks at his spaghetti. “Thank you,” he says.

“So I’m really gonna be free from assistant duties after the party?”

“Yeah, god, how many times do I have to say it?”

“Twenty, maybe fifty times. Until it sinks in.”

Chanyeol chuckles. He picks up his wine, only to pause and shake his head. “When they assigned you to me for the bio, I didn’t think I’d meet someone so--strange.”

“What do you mean?”

Chanyeol drinks and quickly swallows. He puts down the glass and places both his hands on his lap.

“Just came out of nowhere,” he goes, breathing hard, leaving Kyungsoo to decipher what he actually means. Chanyeol does not meet Kyungsoo’s eyes for minutes.

They end their lunch in a quiet manner. Chanyeol drives him home and before Kyungsoo leaves the car, Chanyeol tells him to wait. He then rushes out and proceeds to open the door for him.

“You really didn’t have to,” Kyungsoo says.

“Oh, but I did,” Chanyeol says, a hand extending towards Kyungsoo’s building.

“Well, thanks…”

They stand in front of each other waiting for someone to say something before Chanyeol does something strange yet again. He leans forward and puts his arms around Kyungsoo’s body. “Take this as another way for me to thank you,” he says, as the warm embrace lingers. “For all the help, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo feels heat rush to his cheeks.

“Bye now,” Chanyeol says, offering a wave as he returns to his car.

Kyungsoo watches the car move into the road and out of his sight. They decided that Kyungsoo would come over tomorrow to start planning the party. Chanyeol, it seems, is very eager to sort this out.

The day, Kyungsoo feels, ends much too slowly. The night is especially hard as he lies in bed thinking of everything that’s happened so far and the strange way Chanyeol acted today. Rather than feel happy about the recent developments, Kyungsoo has felt a little breathless and very greatly distracted. It does not help that Chanyeol hugged him before they parted. That, he thinks, is the worst part of it all.

 

**Act 3.**

For the most part, it’s Seungwan who remembers this. Remembers how Chanyeol had the habit of coming to her drunk out of his ass whenever he was going through a breakup. Remembers how he’d cry on her lap and ask her why no one ever loved him enough to stay. Remembers how she’d tell him to stop with all this nonsense because loads of people love him, she included.

They both remember all the times Chanyeol mooned and swooned at her whenever he met someone new, someone he could very well write a song about. Chanyeol would deny this, but Seungwan would slap his wrist and tell him he’s being ridiculous.

When they were fifteen, Chanyeol got his first boyfriend fresh out of middle school. He’d come to her the day it became official, rubbing his hands against his face to hide his deep blush as he sat on her bedroom floor. What surprised Seungwan was not the fact that he started dating a boy because she’d long been aware of Chanyeol’s sexuality. What surprised her was the fact that it was the boy at the top of their class. His name was Jae and he was smaller than Chanyeol by almost a whole head (which, to be fair, was quite common). One of the tracks in the band’s second album was written about Jae, most evident from Chanyeol’s reference to the “big jacket” he lent to Jae on their very first date, a jacket he never got back.

They broke up a year later, Chanyeol telling her that Jaewon had drifted away from him, had opted to spend most of his time with the nerd crowd rather than him, someone who was only ever good with music. Nothing else. This was also the first time Chanyeol got drunk, having found a six-pack of beer in the family restaurant’s refrigerator. Chanyeol cried about how awful it felt being drunk and how awful it felt being dumped. Seungwan held his hand and patted his head. For the very first time, she gave her obligatory best friend speech and she let out her very first sigh of exasperation that Chanyeol’s tears always managed to extract.

When they were eighteen, Chanyeol came to her the minute he lost his virginity, to a boy he’d been dating for seven months. If she remembers correctly, the boy’s name was Hyun and Chanyeol played guitar with him at church. Seungwan shook Chanyeol’s arms when he told her and she asked, with much enthusiasm, “So what did it feel like? Oh god, it must have been amazing!” Chanyeol shook his head and laughed before letting out a deep breath and saying, with dreamy candor, “It was like a warm, tight sleeve on my dick.”

The moment she heard it, she regretted asking.

Only a month later, Chanyeol was dumped again and of course, he came running to Seungwan’s house with a face caked with tears. Five boyfriends later, it was still the same scenario. Even when they both moved to Seoul permanently, both of them with flourishing careers, Chanyeol still came to her when he wanted to vent about boys.

Which is why, at twenty-eight years old, she is so surprised when Chanyeol starts keeping a secret.

Seungwan has been a partner at a law firm in the Gangnam district for five years, mostly working with high-profile clients from the business sector. Her favorite thing in the world is the view from outside the large glass window of her office, perfect for a glass of wine when night struck and she was still stuck at work. To be honest, she’s long felt out of place at her job and she hates how it’s consumed her life. So she finds some consolation as she looks out the window to see the blinking lights of the city. Somehow, this makes her feel all-powerful and more able to bear the stress of her days.

After almost a year without seeing each other, Chanyeol texts her and asks if he could come by her office later for some dinner. She finds this strange but she agrees to it anyway, texting back almost immediately. Chanyeol arrives when most of her co-workers have already clocked out. With him, he brings Chinese food and a bottle of soda for each of them. It reminds Seungwan of their dinners back in uni, done whenever they had time on Saturday nights.

“So is there anything new?” Seungwan says, before chomping on a piece of celery.

“With me?” Chanyeol huffs. “Well. Nothing really, I guess.”

“Oh, come on. You wouldn’t have come to me if there wasn’t anything new. I know you.”

“This time there isn’t any.” Chanyeol shakes his head, eyes averted. “I just wanted to see my friend. Is that so strange?”

Seungwan narrows her eyes and points her fork at him. “You’re hiding something,” she says. “And I’m going to find out what that is.”

“Oh, god, Seungwan, I’m really not, I swear it. I just missed talking to you, is all.”

Seungwan sticks her fork back in the rice. The last time she and Chanyeol had a one-on-one conversation, Chanyeol had been secretly dating a male model from Europe. Before that, Chanyeol was dating a high-profile chef. And before that, there was Jongdae. So, really, she has every reason to believe that Chanyeol has come to her yet again for advice on a guy he’s been fucking.

She finds it a little toxic that the thought occupies her time for the next few days. Though she also finds some fun in sending Chanyeol an annoying number of messages as she attempts to force the secret out of him.

On the day of Chanyeol’s house party, Seungwan wears a flowery dress (her favorite type of dress) and a set of black and gold bangles (her favorite type of jewelry), which she thinks allow her to blend with the glamorous crowd Chanyeol likes to hang with. Jongin is the one who drives her to the house. During the drive, she asks him if he noticed anything odd about Chanyeol lately, anything new that might be of interest.

“Hm? Not really. At least, I don’t think so,” Jongin says, fingers tapping the steering wheel. “Though now that you mention it, he _has_ been on a streak lately. With lyrics, that is. He wrote three songs this month. So if you count _that_ as weird, then, sure. He’s been weird.”

Seungwan takes note of this in her head. She thinks she might also have to ask Luhan and Yixing for their side of things. She also thinks she’s being way too obsessive about all this nonsense. In an attempt to veer her thoughts away, she catches up with Jongin instead, asking him how life has been and getting a whole story about Jongin’s new girlfriend in the process.

There aren’t too many people when they arrive at the house, only a few cars parked along the street. She and Jongin arrive at almost the same time as Luhan, so they enter the house together, finding themselves welcomed by a small man with a heart-shaped smile. He bows at them as they stand by the door. His name is Do Kyungsoo, he tells them. Luhan and Jongin share a look and a snicker at Kyungsoo’s politeness, while Seungwan stares at the man, who waits a full thirty seconds before he stands upright.

Later on, as she talks to Jeonghan, one of Chanyeol’s friends from another band, her eyes drift, noticing Kyungsoo in the kitchen mixing a pitcher of iced tea. Jeonghan doesn’t notice her lack of interest and seems to be engrossed in his own story. As Kyungsoo breaks a sweat preparing two pitchers, she sees Chanyeol approach him, eyebrows scrunched the way they do when he’s trying to show concern. He takes Kyungsoo’s hand and he tells him something that Seungwan doesn’t hear. Kyungsoo appears to sigh and he lets go of the stirring rod. Chanyeol then holds his shoulder and smiles at him. Kyungsoo smiles too and the two of them stare at each other for a good minute.

Seungwan drinks her wine and she laughs to herself, not caring that the man in front of her will be weirded out.

After all this time, she feels like Chanyeol hasn’t changed one bit. It endears her, makes her heart swell, even.

“Hey, are you listening to me?” Jeonghan tells her.

“Oh, sorry. I spaced out a bit there.” Seungwan looks at him and smiles. At the corner of her eye, she sees Chanyeol placing a hand on Kyungsoo’s back and pulling him away from the counter. She laughs, again. “You were saying?”

+++++

Kyungsoo finds the party to be a moderate success. At Chanyeol’s request, there aren’t too many people invited, so there’s little issue with the amount of food and drink from the caterers. They do run out of non-alcoholic drinks halfway through the party and Kyungsoo scrambles to make two pitchers of iced tea. But when Chanyeol sees this, he berates him and tells Kyungsoo that he ought to have fun. “You’re as much of a guest as anyone else,” Chanyeol says before Kyungsoo let go of the stirring rods. “Learn to live a little.”

To an extent, he does follow Chanyeol’s advice. Kyungsoo tries to make the most out of the party to set up meetings with some of Chanyeol’s friends. He sets up an interview with each of the band members. Yixing for next Sunday, Luhan for Monday, and Jongin for Thursday two weeks later. He talks a bit with Chanyeol’s former manager, trying to see if he might have anything of interest to say. In the end, he sets up a meeting with him as well.

As the night wanes, Kyungsoo finds himself alone, eating a slice of lasagna from the buffet. He occupies himself by scanning the room, seeing all these faces that he usually only saw on television. When he zeroes in on Chanyeol talking to a young female reporter, Kyungsoo quickly finishes his lasagna. He’s too busy staring and eating to notice the person who has suddenly made herself comfortable standing next to him.

“Hello,” she says, giving Kyungsoo a start. He holds his heart and shakes his head, feeling embarrassed by what he’d just been doing.

“Didn’t notice you there,” Kyungsoo says, trying on a nervous smile.

She smiles back. “Your name is Kyungsoo right?” she says.

“Yes, Do Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo nods. “And you’re--Son Seungwan?”

“Oh, yeah. Has Chanyeol mentioned me?”

“He has,” Kyungsoo says. It’s not the whole truth, not exactly, but he’s not about to get into a whole discussion on the matter.

“Great.” She smiles. “Just wanted to ask you a few things, actually.”

Kyungsoo goes wide-eyed. “Oh? Like what?”

“Like...what do you actually do around here? Are you--Chanyeol’s assistant or something?”

“Me?” He’s not. Not anymore, at least. So he goes with something closer to the truth. “I’m his writer.”

“His writer?”

“I’m writing his biography.”

“Biography? Oh, wow.”

“But, yeah,” Kyungsoo hesitates, scratching the back of his head. “I sort of assist him with stuff from time to time.”

Seungwan furrows her eyebrows. “Why?”

“It’s sort of--our arrangement.”

“What, he doesn’t tell you anything unless you work your butt off for him?”

Kyungsoo nods. “Well, yeah, that’s about it.”

She puts her hands on her waists. “That dick.”

“It’s no trouble, really. I actually don’t have to do that anymore. I will just be his writer from now on.”

Seungwan doesn’t look satisfied. “I’m gonna talk to him, okay? I’m gonna give the guy a piece of my mind.”

“You really don’t have to. It’s--”

Before he could finish, Seungwan detaches herself from the conversation, makes her way through the party, and approaches Chanyeol. Kyungsoo has half the mind to rush to her and keep her quiet. But he sighs instead, not wanting to overstep his boundaries.

He doesn’t actually know what happens between Seungwan and Chanyeol that night. They disappear into another room and Kyungsoo is left alone at the party, which lasts for another hour until people start to leave and the crowd dissipates.

Seungwan is one of the last to leave and she approaches Kyungsoo one more time before she does. She pats his back and hands him a piece of paper with her email and number. “We’ll talk sometime,” she tells him. Kyungsoo nods at her and she smiles back, before leaving the house with Jongin. As he sees them off, Chanyeol emerges beside Kyungsoo and places a hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“I think I better go too.” Kyungsoo meets Chanyeol’s eye and sees him looking somber under the porchlight.

“You do that,” Chanyeol says, nodding. “Do you need me to call you a cab?”

“That would be great, actually, if you don’t mind.”

When the taxi arrives, Kyungsoo waves Chanyeol goodbye. He breathes a sigh of relief inside and gives the driver his address while feeling a sense of urgency to go home now. When he was waiting alone with Chanyeol in the living room, they spoke very little. Chanyeol had sat on his couch, sipping a glass of wine, smiling at Kyungsoo from time to time as he sat silently.

The moment he unlocks the door to his apartment, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. It’s Chanyeol, his name flashed in big letters as the phone lights up. Kyungsoo doesn’t know why, but somehow, the call doesn’t surprise him at all.

He sits on his couch. “Hello?” he says.

“Kyungsoo. It’s--well, it’s me, of course.”

“Hi, Chanyeol. What’s up?” Kyungsoo says.

“Are you home?”

“I am,” he says. “Thanks again for calling the cab.”

“No big,” Chanyeol says. He pauses, breathes, and chuckles, “I called to tell you something but now it seems I’ve lost the nerve.”

“Spit it out.”

“Oh. Okay. I--”

“I’m sorry. I’m just--I’m tired.” He’s really, really tired and he just wants Chanyeol to _tell_ him whatever it is that he wants to say. It’s the only way for Kyungsoo to feel at ease, again, in front of him. It’s the only way for him to feel normal.

“I’m sorry too,” Chanyeol says. “But--I just…”

There it goes again. He’s quiet and Kyungsoo can _feel_ it. He can feel that Chanyeol has something important to tell him but again, he’s chickening out. It frustrates him, really -- that after all this time, after everything Kyungsoo’s done, Chanyeol still can’t talk.

“Are you free tomorrow night?” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo grips the phone tightly against his ear and closes his eyes. “Yes, why?”

“Can I maybe come visit?” His voice is soft, breathy.

He sighs. “That’s fine, I guess. What time?”

“Eight o’clock maybe? Would that be fine?”

Kyungsoo grips his knee. “Sure. Sounds good.”

“And I can tell you then.”

“Right,” Kyungsoo says, not wanting to pry any further. “Call me when you get here.”

Chanyeol agrees and tells Kyungsoo he’s sorry again for calling so late, for calling at all. Kyungsoo insists that it’s fine. He would’ve liked it much better if Chanyeol told him what he wanted to say right here, right now, but he doesn’t say that. Instead, he lets Chanyeol hang up the phone and Kyungsoo sits on the sofa feeling despondent. He crashes down, planting his face into a pillow. It feels as if his world has gone into a complete revolution in a span of a millisecond; he’s dizzy and he remembers how Chanyeol sounded on the phone -- like he seemed dizzy too, as if he’d felt the same revolution Kyungsoo is feeling at this very moment.

It is difficult to sleep. Baekhyun, it seems, is sleeping very soundly, because even when Kyungsoo tries to shake him awake, he only groans and continues his slumber. It’s midnight and Kyungsoo decides to watch television. There’s a rerun of an old music show on KBS and he settles on this, shrouding himself in a blanket as he sits on the couch.

The show reminds him of the very first time he actually saw Chanyeol. Kyungsoo had been in junior year of high school and Red Force were having a televised showcase.

He remembers how Chanyeol looked nervous at first but it seemed as if the song helped him break through all his fears. Kyungsoo had been ogling, fascinated by the site.

At the time, Kyungsoo had been sick with the fever and he couldn’t go to school for a couple of days. His mother had told him to stick to his books while he was sick, that he should avoid any other temptation. But he thought, for once, that he had nothing to lose if he strayed from her wishes. He’d been living a very sheltered life, focused on his studies almost to a fault. So the lyrics to Chanyeol’s song -- _I keep dragging around what's bringing me down, If I just let go, I'd be set free_ \-- they spoke to him.

He’d never really listened to Red Force, but that particular song struck a chord with him. Chanyeol will probably gloat if he learns about this; he’ll probably hold another debt over Kyungsoo’s head. Or maybe he won’t. Kyungsoo chuckles.

After the music show, he falls asleep. At seven in the morning, he wakes up to Baekhyun shuffling around the apartment, rushing to get ready for work. Kyungsoo offers to make him breakfast and Baekhyun doesn’t appear to have the time to reject him. In fifteen minutes, Kyungsoo hands him a bacon and egg sandwich.

“I’m having someone over later,” Kyungsoo says, trying to sound casual as Baekhyun eats with gusto.

“Oh? Who?” Baekhyun says, eyebrow raised.

“It’s no one important.” Kyungsoo bites his lip, conscious of his lie. “But would you mind if--I know this might be a lot to ask and I don’t want to sound like a complete asshole, but--”

“You want the apartment to yourself?” Baekhyun sighs. “Fine, man. I’ll stay at a buddy’s until midnight. Just tell Chanyeol I said hi.”

“What? It’s not--”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He gives Kyungsoo a kiss on the cheek before he leaves and Kyungsoo calls him gross.

“You’ll tell me all about it, okay?” Baekhyun says, loud as he exits the door.

“Don’t count on it,” Kyungsoo says back, as he puts the dishes in the sink.

He hears Baekhyun laugh before the door slams shut.

The rest of the day, Kyungsoo waits. Chanyeol texts him once, reminding Kyungsoo of his visit.

_Will be there at 8. Hope we’re still on. :)_

It’s ridiculous how scared he feels about Chanyeol arriving at his home. Kyungsoo cleans meticulously, wiping the tables and making sure every nook and cranny is cleared of dust. The bathroom tiles become squeaky clean after Kyungsoo scrubs them thoroughly. At five, Kyungsoo goes down to the nearby delicatessen to buy pasta and chorizo, which he proceeds to cook an hour later.

When Chanyeol arrives at his door, Kyungsoo rubs his palms against his shirt, hoping it would make him look neater. Chanyeol’s mouth quirks into a grin when they see each other. It makes Kyungsoo take a pause; he hopes the coarseness in his breath isn’t so obvious.

Kyungsoo offers a soft hello and he offers a smile before allowing Chanyeol inside. Chanyeol has his hands clasped together at his back as he walks into the apartment, looking around and musing at the paintings on the wall -- Baekhyun’s paintings, Kyungsoo tells him. They’re pretty nice, aren’t they?

“You must be wondering why I wanted to come over,” Chanyeol says, while Kyungsoo sets the plates on the table.

“I was, actually. But it’s no big deal,” Kyungsoo replies.

Chanyeol takes his seat at the dining table. Kyungsoo eyes him, sees the amused expression on his face as he looks at the pasta.

“This is awesome,” Chanyeol says, as he takes his first bite. “Where did you learn how to cook this well?”

“My mom, mostly,” Kyungsoo says. “She always made me help around the kitchen. I was an only child so there was pretty much no avoiding it.”

“Well, I guess that’s something we have in common.”

It’s later when they’re finished eating that Chanyeol finally tells him why exactly he came. Kyungsoo is telling him about a project he’d worked on in college for his investigative journalism class; he notices then that Chanyeol is sitting on the couch with his head bowed, looking nervous, hands flat on his knees.

“Is something wrong?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I’m running away for a while.” When Chanyeol says this, a sickening feeling enters Kyungsoo’s stomach.

“What? What do you mean?” Kyungsoo takes his seat, his hands settling firm on his lap.

Chanyeol turns to him. He closes his eyes and heaves, in an almost frustrated manner. “I just hate it here now,” Chanyeol says. “It’s all too much. This--this book, the new album, the fucking press.”

“But where are you going? And when?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “In two days? Maybe, I dunno. And I think I might go home? See my mom first before I--well, before I go who knows where. South, probably. Or maybe east. Wherever it’s convenient.”

“Well...That’s…”

“But hey…” Chanyeol places his hand on Kyungsoo’s. “I thought, maybe, you’d come with me? If it’s not too much trouble, that is. I mean--I wouldn’t want to...impose on you. But…I guess what I’m trying to say is that…”

Kyungsoo looks at their hands, together. Then he looks at Chanyeol and starts to feel a rush of resolve. It feels like they’ve only just started, so there is no way he’s going to let Chanyeol go without him.

A beat. Kyungsoo stares directly at Chanyeol and his eyes.

“I would love to come,” Kyungsoo says.

In the moments that follow, Chanyeol looks at Kyungsoo as if something amazing is about to come, as if he’s about to lean in, as if he’s about to tell Kyungsoo something that Kyungsoo really wants to hear.

But Chanyeol only hugs him, which Kyungsoo thinks must be good, for now. Chanyeol buries his nose in Kyungsoo’s hair and Kyungsoo relishes Chanyeol’s warmth, the size of his arms, the sound of his voice.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol says, “For making everything easy.”

“You’re welcome,” Kyungsoo says, almost laughing.

Something tells him that this is wrong, that he’s totally fucked now, that this is way too extreme. But something also tells him that he has no choice. This is the road that he is on, and he has no right to deny its passage.

 

**Act 4.**

Every other day, Youngmi tries to find the time to drive through the town and appreciate all the turns and bends, all the places she used to go to when she was younger. She remembers the cotton candy stand she used to love as a child -- a stall sitting lonesome at the train station, where there are barely any people. She remembers where she and Sungjin had their first date, at the small park with all the cherry trees. She remembers the old bike shop, the one where Chanyeol got his very first bicycle, for which he was very grateful -- jumping and all.

This is Youngmi’s favorite thing to do: going around their town so she can imprint every single inch of it in her memory, never to fade, all these memories kept safe in her heart.

At fifty-seven, Youngmi is still very much full of life. She works part-time at a restaurant that she and her husband own. She loves the constant hustle and bustle, the people in town who frequent the tables, the faces people make when they get a taste of her ox bone soup.

She hates that the bakery she used to go to as a child has already shut down. She hates that the guitar maker’s shop has been railroaded, defeated by a chain store. She hates how every year, it seems Chanyeol has less and less to come back to.

But he’s coming back now and that’s something. Based on his last text, he’ll be here in a week. Right now, he’s swimming at the Yangyang County. He sent her a picture, of him sitting on the sand, the taker of the photo unknown to her. No news of him has appeared on TV for days and she wonders if anyone’s even noticed that he’s gone. They should, at some point, but it’s good that he’s flown out of everyone’s radar for the time being.

The next day, as she attends to some customers in her restaurant, she feels the shake of her phone and finds another picture. Chanyeol’s arrived somewhere new. North of Inje, he says. But the picture isn’t of him. It’s on an empty path near a field, a patch of shrubs at the side, another man riding a bicycle at the center of the picture.

 _Is that a friend?_ she asks him.

_Yes. You’ll meet him soon. :)_

She smiles. _I’m looking forward to it._

At home that day, she plays the piano and sings to herself. When Sungjin arrives, they kiss and she shows him the pictures Chanyeol sent from his trip. They talk about going on their own trip sometime, though she thinks it might be impossible now, considering their age.

In the following days, more pictures come and she feels more and more excited to see her son and more and more interested to meet _Do Kyungsoo_ , this boy who’s been traveling with him. He looks younger than Chanyeol, Youngmi thinks. Plus, he has a nice smile, small and thoughtful, as opposed to the flippant smile Chanyeol always seems to wear. _Where could they have met?_

Three days later, Chanyeol sends Youngmi an email with an attachment. “It’s a page from something Kyungsoo wrote,” Chanyeol tells her. “It’s about us.”

_It was December 2000 when Chanyeol first saw her. She had soft white hair, almost like snow. Alone she crouched in a cage; the cacophony of sounds from all the other cages seemed to frighten her. Chanyeol stared at her eyes and felt the connection almost instantly._

_At first, Chanyeol’s mother was hesitant. “Why not a dog?” she said. “Or a hamster? Something simpler.”_

The story goes on to talk more about the pet and the short time it had with the Park family. It talks about how Youngmi comforted Chanyeol the day the ferret died. And it talks about how Chanyeol always turned to his mother, every single time he needed a shoulder to cry on. He had his friends, sure, but he never failed to confide in his mother every time something made him sad.

Youngmi holds her chest and smiles, upon reading the passages. It means the world to her that Chanyeol would talk about her in such a way, that he would speak of a memory that felt so distant. Truth be told, the memory had been all but erased from her brain if not for this reminder, written so delicately by a man named Do Kyungsoo.

Of course, she shows it to Sungjin and he hugs her when he sees her eyes tearing up as they read it again.

“I think I’ll have to call him later,” Youngmi tells him, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief.

“You do that,” Sungjin says, squeezing her shoulder. “And tell him he owes me a story too.”

Youngmi laughs and pecks Sungjin on the cheek.

On the phone, Youngmi asks Chanyeol what the story is for. Chanyeol avoids the question and tells her it’s not important. He asks her how she’s doing, how his dad has been, how the restaurant is faring. It’s all good, everyone and everything. There’s really not much to say, except that she misses him and that she’s excited to see him again.

“You made me cry you know,” she tells him.

Chanyeol laughs. “Wasn’t me. It was all Kyungsoo, ma.”

“Well, I’d very much like to meet him, dear. And I’d very much like to know how on earth you two became friends.”

“It’s a long story,” Chanyeol says. “I’ll tell you about it when I get there, okay? It won’t be long.”

“Of course,” she says. When words run out on both ends, she finds it difficult to put down the phone. But she has to be the one to do it, because Chanyeol doesn’t. She can tell from how he stutters by the end of the call that there’s something that he wants to tell her. But she knows she has to be patient.

In two years’ time, Youngmi will find a copy of Chanyeol’s biography sent to her doorstep. She will pick it up and she will keep it on the shelf. She will wait for Sungjin to arrive before opening it and she will make sure that Chanyeol knows that she received it. Kyungsoo will have written her a letter to go with it. That one, she will read first and she will not cry, only smile as she imagines Kyungsoo speaking to her with every word of his writing.

 _I tried my best to be compassionate_ , he will tell her. _But he makes it so hard. I’m sure you feel the same._

In truth, she really doesn’t. And she thinks that Kyungsoo might not mean it either and that he’s telling her a joke in the way that he does: self-deprecating and serious. This and a lot of other things make her love Kyungsoo even more. And she reckons -- or rather, she knows -- that this is what Chanyeol would think as well.

+++++

As he returns to their motel room, Kyungsoo hears the sound of the shower sprinkler. “Chanyeol? I brought the coffee,” he says, loud enough for Chanyeol to hear from the bathroom.

The door is open. The bathroom is compact and barely has any space from the toilet to the shower. Chanyeol peeks through the shower curtain and gives Kyungsoo a smile. “I won’t be long,” he says, hair flat on his head from the rush of water.

Kyungsoo puts down the coffee on a desk table and he sits on his bed. On the other bed, Chanyeol’s shirt and black jeans have been neatly laid out. On the floor are Chanyeol’s shorts from last night. Kyungsoo picks these up. He cops a feel of its fabric and looks at it for a moment before he folds it up and sets it down on Chanyeol’s bed.

Chanyeol emerges in his bathrobe five minutes later. He offers a smile as he approaches the window. For a moment, as he continues to wipe his hair, Chanyeol just stares at the view of the lot and the convenience store across the street.

“Remind me where we are again?” Kyungsoo asks. His eyes drift from Chanyeol’s broad back to his neck.

Chanyeol sighs. “Nowhere special,” he says. “About five kilometers away from Bucheon, and about twenty kilometers to Anseong.”

“Your hometown.”

“That’s right.” Chanyeol proceeds to sit beside Kyungsoo, who continues to stare. Chanyeol, however, continues to look away.

“I can’t wait,” Kyungsoo says.

In a few hours’ time, they’ll be in Chanyeol's hometown, where Chanyeol’s family lives. In the car, as Chanyeol drives them through the highway, Kyungsoo brings out his notebook and writes a few bullet points for the day.

● The road to Anseong is full of farmland.  
● The further we are from Seoul, the cleaner the air seems to be.  
● Everything is still awkward. Too awkward.

Whenever Kyungsoo writes, Chanyeol doesn’t ask any questions. Always, when Kyungsoo closes his notebook, Chanyeol pipes in. “I think I might take you down the creek today,” he says, this time. “It’s where I used to hang out with my friends.”

“Did you write music there?”

“Sometimes,” Chanyeol says. “I’d play my guitar a lot. While everyone else went into the water.”

“So are we going swimming today?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “If you want to. Why not?”

Seeing Chanyeol’s childhood home feels almost like a dream. It looks brand new, probably from constant refurbishments, but its slanted black roof and wooden double doors give it a feeling of age. Meeting them at the door is Chanyeol’s mother, Youngmi, whom Chanyeol hugs so tight that she’s lifted off the ground.

When Chanyeol introduces them, Youngmi takes Kyungsoo’s hand and she kisses Kyungsoo on the cheek. “You, my dear, are a very good writer,” she says, which makes Kyungsoo blush. Chanyeol must have sent her the draft.

Youngmi is the one who takes him around the house. She places her arm around Kyungsoo’s back and leads him around, first to the parlor, where they keep a piano and a guitar. Chanyeol goes straight to the guitar, perusing it while Youngmi takes Kyungsoo to Chanyeol’s old bedroom, with posters of Boohwal circa 2006, BIGBANG circa 2005, and Kurt Cobain still intact. There’s nothing much else, however, except the bed, an empty desk, and a dresser.

“I hope you don’t mind that one of you will be taking the floor tonight,” Youngmi says, to which Kyungsoo shakes his head and smiles.

“It’s really no problem.”

To Kyungsoo’s surprise, Youngmi holds his cheek. “You really are a delight, aren’t you? And so handsome too.”

Kyungsoo blushes and shakes his head, denying the sentiment.

Before night falls, Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo out for a bike ride around the neighborhood. In town, there’s an old church that looks straight out of Europe and the buildings are painted predominantly in bland colors, either light brown, gray, or peach. Barely fifteen minutes from the town, they find themselves in what appears to be uninhabited land, save for a house or two belonging to rice farmers.

“And this is my place,” Chanyeol announces, as they reach a brook, babbling softly amidst the silence of the nearby fields.

The water isn’t deep enough for a swim, only deep enough to submerge a fourth of their legs. Chanyeol tells him about writing part of the song _Atlantis_ here, way before _Red Force_ was ever created. Kyungsoo knows this song from the second album.

 _The light pours onto me_  
_I can feel you lying there all on your own_  
_We got here the hard way_

Kyungsoo sings a bit of the lyrics when they end up on their backs, flat on the soft grass. Chanyeol giggles. “I’ve never heard you sing one of mine before,” he says. “I think I like it.”

When Kyungsoo turns his head, he finds that Chanyeol has lifted himself onto his shoulders. He’d hoped, futilely, that he would find Chanyeol facing him. He thinks he’s been wishing a lot from Chanyeol the past couple of weeks, with not a single wish fulfilled. Truth be told, it’s starting to frustrate him. It’s as if they haven’t moved forward; it’s as if Chanyeol is still that same guy keeping things from, that same guy whom Kyungsoo thought he would never contact ever again once the book deal was done.

“Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo says.

There’s a short silence before Chanyeol acknowledges him. “Yeah?” he goes, without the turn of the head that Kyungsoo expects.

“I want to tell you something,” Kyungsoo continues.

Chanyeol’s mouth opens but no sound comes out. His hands clutch the grass.

Frustrated, Kyungsoo turns away from him and faces the sky. “I want to tell you something but it doesn’t seem like you’re up for it.”

“What is it? Tell me, please.” Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo can’t read the emotion in his voice and he doesn’t want to see a face that would help him understand.

“When I agreed to go on this trip, I wanted something to happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.”

Kyungsoo frowns. It’s angering, really, that Chanyeol’s pretending that he doesn’t get it. Right now, what he wishes for is an apology and a way out of this road to nowhere.

It was fine, the first couple of days. He took Chanyeol’s picture at the beach and they walked through the sand, Kyungsoo hooked under Chanyeol’s arm. At another county, they took a hike together and Kyungsoo let Chanyeol rest his head on his lap when he got a little breathless. In their motel rooms, Chanyeol helped Kyungsoo write and when they lay down together, they found each other’s eyes and Kyungsoo swore, at one point, that Chanyeol was going to kiss him. This, he thinks, is when things started to be awkward, when Kyungsoo knew for sure that he expected much more than what he got.

Not that he owes Kyungsoo anything, no. But nevertheless, he thinks Chanyeol should know better than to make him continue to expect, to continue with all the lingering touches and longing looks.

“Hey,” comes Chanyeol’s voice. This time, Kyungsoo doesn’t expect it, but here it is -- his voice, bleeding through his ears.

Kyungsoo feels Chanyeol’s fingers on his sleeve and then on his skin. A shiver rises across his spine. The feeling sends his eyes to a close. Chanyeol’s hand finds its way to Kyungsoo’s chest.

“It’s beating fast,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo opens his eyes to see Chanyeol rolled to his side. He does the same and tries to level his head with Chanyeol’s. Their breaths are shallow and their eyes are half-lidded. Chanyeol’s fingers find Kyungsoo’s chin but it’s Kyungsoo who leans in first and takes what he’s wanted for much too long.

The kiss makes him gasp. He’s dizzy, almost pushing Chanyeol to the ground, unable to truly do it in the haze of the moment. They slow it down and Kyungsoo reaches for Chanyeol’s ear, doesn’t know what to do it, grabs it, lets it go, and kisses him some more.

He leans forward and his hand travels to Chanyeol’s leg. When he cops a feel of Chanyeol’s crotch, Kyungsoo finds Chanyeol’s growing erection.

But as soon as Kyungsoo does this, Chanyeol inches away. Kyungsoo is left to heave and roll onto his stomach.

“I don’t think we should do this,” Chanyeol says. He’s sitting up now and he’s looking away, making Kyungsoo feel as if his eyes were something forbidden, something never to be looked at, something Chanyeol thought might turn him into stone if gazed upon.

“Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t--Kyungsoo, that’s ridiculous. I like you more than I like anyone else right now.”

Even though Chanyeol says this, Kyungsoo doesn’t feel any better. He shakes his head and pushes himself onto his feet.

“I know my way back,” Kyungsoo says, as he begins to walk. “Don’t follow me.”

Chanyeol doesn’t follow him, doesn’t even attempt to call out. So there’s nothing keeping Kyungsoo from making the trek back to the house all alone.

When he arrives at their door, Kyungsoo puts on the best smiling face he can muster. Chanyeol’s dad, Sungjin, is there to meet him this time. They shake hands and Sungjin asks him where Chanyeol might be. “Ah, he told me to go ahead,” Kyungsoo says, forcing a smile. “He had stuff to do.”

“Oh. Well.” Sungjin squeezes Kyungsoo’s arm. “You look like you might need some rest, dear boy. Your eyes are a little sunken.”

Embarrassed could only scratch the surface of what Kyungsoo feels. Until dinner time at eight, Kyungsoo buries himself inside the cot set up in Chanyeol’s room. But he sleeps barely thirty minutes until he finds himself awake and anxious.

Chanyeol turns out to be the one who calls him out of the bedroom. Kyungsoo hears the approach of his feet and he hears Chanyeol stop at the doorway.

“We’re being called for dinner,” Chanyeol says.

Out of respect for Chanyeol’s parents, Kyungsoo rises, trying not to look Chanyeol in the eye. Luckily, Chanyeol knows better than to make things awkward. The conversation at the table revolves mostly around Chanyeol’s future plans and the family’s restaurant. They talk about the band, how they’re doing, how practice has been. Kyungsoo offers bits and pieces of himself: “I’m hoping to get a literary agent next year,” he says, and then, “That will pretty much move my dream forward, I think.”

“From what I’ve seen, any agent would be lucky to have you,” Sungjin says.

“He’s a real hard worker,” Chanyeol says. “With some people, you only get talent. But Kyungsoo’s different, aren’t you, Kyungsoo?”

For a moment, Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say. “Lots of people work hard. I’m just one of many,” he shrugs, then returns to eating the japchae noodles on his plate.

After dinner, the whole family sits with Kyungsoo in the parlor, where Chanyeol starts to play Moonlight Sonata on the piano. “He learned this piece when he was six,” Youngmi says, before holding Kyungsoo’s hand. “Back then, all his teachers were so surprised with how good he was. By age ten, he started playing by ear and _that_ got everyone floored.”

“And yet you still didn’t believe I could do music for a living,” Chanyeol says, chuckling as he went through the piece.

Kyungsoo takes mental notes of all these things. He thinks it best if he were to go back to being Chanyeol’s writer, nothing more. This trip would now be for business. These conversations, while intimate, would only be meant to further his writing.

Chanyeol plays another song from his repertoire and it’s almost painful how each note tugs at Kyungsoo’s heart. He’s entranced by the movement of Chanyeol’s fingers and the bob of his head as the tempo quickens.

Kyungsoo has to excuse himself. Out the front door he goes and onto the ground he sits, against the fence in front of the Park residence. It’s cold outside but it’s much better compared to suffocating in Chanyeol’s presence.

In ten minutes, he finds himself breathing normally again, but in just the same amount of time, Chanyeol arrives. When his shadow comes into Kyungsoo’s view, the force of his anxiety returns to his stomach. When Chanyeol speaks, says “Hey”, Kyungsoo has to close his eyes to be able to breathe.

“Why can’t you make this easy for me?” Kyungsoo says.

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol falls beside him, knees bent against his chest. “Things are fucked, I know that.”

“Do you _like_ seeing me sad?”

“No, of course not. I can’t--I can’t bear to see it. I just want to see you smile, Kyungsoo. You have to believe me.”

Kyungsoo gives him a shove. “Then why do you have to be such an asshole?” he says, the words seething. “I really like you. This whole trip, it was me choosing to fall for you. And now, I feel like everything’s lost its point.”

Kyungsoo’s breath is ragged. Hurt is written all over Chanyeol’s face. Still, Kyungsoo doesn’t cry. He breathes and he drops his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“Chanyeol?” he says. “Could you say something, please?”

“We’re going to regret this.”

“Regret what?”

“This.”

Chanyeol cradles Kyungsoo’s cheeks in his hands and he stares him in the eye. “Kyungsoo,” he says, and before Chanyeol can do anything else, Kyungsoo beats him to it, yet again.

“Oh, god,” Kyungsoo heaves, in disbelief over the heat that floods through him from the plush of Chanyeol’s lips.

“I was scared,” Chanyeol says, as he nips on Kyungsoo’s ear.

“Just shut up and kiss me more.”

“There’s so much I want to do.”

“Then let’s do it. I want you. All of you.”

“But my parents--”

“I know. But--I need _something_ , okay?”

The way back to Chanyeol’s room feels like a long and tortuous journey, despite it taking barely two minutes. Kyungsoo is shaking when Chanyeol kisses him again and he feels like he’s about to faint when Chanyeol tugs at his arm, pulling him to the bed.

They feel for each other in the dark. Kyungsoo sits on Chanyeol’s lap, facing him. He’s already so hard and as he rubs his ass against Chanyeol’s crotch, he becomes aware that Chanyeol is hard as well. Chanyeol kisses him on the forehead and on his cheek. Kyungsoo gasps and holds back his moan with a bite of his lip.

Kyungsoo finds himself splayed out on the bed, shirtless as he watches Chanyeol remove the rest of his own clothing. Under the moonlight, Chanyeol’s body glows, almost. Kyungsoo holds the garter of his shorts and he eyes Chanyeol knowingly.

“Would you take this off for me?” Kyungsoo says.

This sets Chanyeol off as Kyungsoo intended. Chanyeol presses all of his weight on Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo scratches Chanyeol’s back, delirious while Chanyeol kisses his neck.

“Fucking gorgeous,” Chanyeol says, “I wish--I wish I could fuck you--but-- _god_ , I just wish I could fuck you.”

Kyungsoo smiles and he moans softly when Chanyeol sucks at his nipple. They have to be quiet, but Chanyeol is making it so difficult.

“I cleaned myself, you know,” Kyungsoo says. “I clean myself every day, thinking about what you could do to me.”

Chanyeol’s cock feels big against Kyungsoo’s own. Over the past few days, he’s imagined what it might look like. It’s shameful just how much he’s visualized what it would feel like, rubbing against him, pushing inside him. Every time he saw Chanyeol after a shower, Kyungsoo had half the mind to remove his bathrobe, slip his hand under Chanyeol’s towel, stroke his cock like Kyungsoo is doing right now, as Chanyeol kisses his cheek.

There is so much that he wants but knows he can’t have right at this very moment. So Kyungsoo settles for second-best, which is still good, still mind-blowing. Chanyeol’s hands, grazing his thigh. Chanyeol’s hands, spreading him open. Chanyeol’s lips, pressing themselves onto the heat of Kyungsoo’s ass.

Kyungsoo has to cover his own mouth while Chanyeol eats him out. He manages a single word: Chanyeol’s name, escaping him as Chanyeol fucks him open with his tongue.

“When I fuck you, _really_ fuck you, I swear, I’ll make you cum so hard, Soo. I’ll fuck it out of you. Make you scream.”

Kyungsoo buries his face in the sheets. Chanyeol talks to him, softly, telling him how much he wants to be inside Kyungsoo, how much Kyungsoo would like it, how nice Kyungsoo tastes, how hot he is. When Chanyeol moves, positions himself against Kyungsoo’s back, Kyungsoo lifts himself up and he tries to meet Chanyeol halfway, arching his neck so he can take Chanyeol’s lips.

Chanyeol rubs his cock against the cleft of Kyungsoo’s ass and he strokes Kyungsoo’s cock in swift motions. Kyungsoo cums not long after and he tells Chanyeol to cum on his chest. And so Kyungsoo finds himself splayed out again, while Chanyeol looms over him, jacking himself, then spraying Kyungsoo with everything he has.

They end up pressed together, Chanyeol’s cum between them. Before they sleep, they kiss and Kyungsoo tells Chanyeol what he couldn’t say before: “I like your arms, the way you hold me. I like your voice. I like--I like everything about you. God.”

Chanyeol laughs, flippant, as if he doesn’t believe a word Kyungsoo says. It worries him. But Kyungsoo lets it pass, making way for sleep and peace.

The next day, he wakes up hooked under Chanyeol’s arm. The sound of rain comes through the window.

Chanyeol is already awake, smoothing Kyungsoo’s shoulder with his fingers. Slowly, Kyungsoo lifts Chanyeol's arm so he can sit. Chanyeol rises with him and he massages Kyungsoo’s back. He kisses Kyungsoo’s cheek and Kyungsoo arches his neck to meet his lips.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Kyungsoo says.

“Can I go with you?” Chanyeol says, face like a puppy dog.

Kyungsoo holds Chanyeol’s cheek and appreciates the light in Chanyeol’s eyes. “Not today,” Kyungsoo says.

The shower helps him forget about his worries. He chooses to remember only the good things, the places where Chanyeol’s hands touched and where his tongue had been, the way Chanyeol’s lips felt on his mouth.

Breakfast comes, and Chanyeol’s parents leave the house soon after for work. Chanyeol leaves as well, though only to drive to the local pharmacy so he can buy some supplies for their afternoon. Kyungsoo reads a book in the living room while he waits, and soon enough, all his worries are gone.

 _How’s it going?_ Baekhyun texts him, while Kyungsoo gets a glass of water.

 _Better,_ Kyungsoo tells him. _Much better._

 _Happy for you :)_ \-- is Baekhyun’s reply.

After a morning of little to no activity, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo find themselves back in the bedroom for the rest of the afternoon. The supplies are in a white plastic, set down on the floor. Kyungsoo kneels beside it, between Chanyeol’s legs. It’s difficult to take all of Chanyeol’s cock so a rush of accomplishment overcomes him when he manages it and hears the loudest moan come from Chanyeol’s mouth.

He thinks it must have been a year since he’s last done this and he’s reminded why he found it so fun, to take someone in your mouth. It makes him feel a bursting amount of fullness and power, the way drool gathers at the corners of his mouth as he brings another man to an orgasm. Previous partners have called him shameful because of how much he likes it, but Kyungsoo finds no shame in it. Or perhaps he does and just finds delight in his own debauchment.

Next thing he knows, Kyungsoo is clutching the wall while Chanyeol fingers him from behind. Kyungsoo offers everything to him, arching his back and trying to make his ass more appealing with a shake or two. It’s a ridiculous thought, because Chanyeol didn’t seem to have any complaints last night. But Kyungsoo does this anyway, and it seems to work. “No one in the world,” Chanyeol says. “--could ever come close to how gorgeous you look right now.”

Kyungsoo’s words only get dirtier as they proceed. And he tries another trick or two, telling Chanyeol that he’s really big, asking him if it’ll actually fit. “But I’d do anything for you,” Kyungsoo says, breathless and horned up as all fuck. “So could you fuck me now, Chanyeol? Please?”

“You’re impossible,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo still remembers how Chanyeol called him strange, back when Chanyeol had first taken him out to lunch. He remembers being confused and thinking Chanyeol must have had it all wrong. But Kyungsoo is beginning to agree with the sentiment and he embraces it.

“You’re splitting me open,” Kyungsoo says, breathing hard.

“What? Am I--”

“You’re not hurting me. It’s good, _fuck_ , do it harder, _ah_.”

Chanyeol lifts him up, because Kyungsoo tells him he wants to try something. He wants to try getting fucked against the wall; he tells Chanyeol that he’s fantasized about it countless times and he wants to know how it feels. Kyungsoo’s forehead is caked with sweat and he feels like he’s about to collapse as it happens. Still, he exerts all his strength to keep upright, clinging to Chanyeol so he doesn’t fall from his arms. The jab of Chanyeol’s cock makes him release a closed-mouth whine. Another thrust and Kyungsoo’s whole body is in flames.

He gets braver, telling Chanyeol to fuck him even harder. He thinks he could cum like this, getting fucked while out of balance, getting fucked while feeling as if his soul is being shot up into another dimension.

Chanyeol does good on his promise and fucks the cum out of Kyungsoo. They are back in bed and Kyungsoo’s legs are folded up while Chanyeol holds him. “Gonna fucking cum?” Chanyeol grunts. “Gonna cum for me? C’mon, Soo, cum for me.”

And Kyungsoo rolls his eyes as he feels it coming, as he feels the slam of Chanyeol’s body against his own, sending his thoughts into a place it has never been, somewhere good, somewhere beautiful. He spills and he stares at Chanyeol in his final thrusts, at the sweat that drops from Chanyeol’s neck, at the rise and fall of his stomach. Kyungsoo meets Chanyeol’s breaths and he finds nothing in his vocabulary that would sufficiently describe what he feels. Love, maybe. Affection, for sure.

“You’re an angel,” Chanyeol says, staring at Kyungsoo in the aftermath. He cups Kyungsoo’s face and smiles, out of breath and weary.

That afternoon, Kyungsoo cums twice more. The second time, Chanyeol has Kyungsoo in his mouth and Kyungsoo spills all over Chanyeol’s face. The third time, Chanyeol is inside him again and they hear the car pull over in the driveway just as Kyungsoo reaches his orgasm. They are tired out by dinner time and Chanyeol’s parents are sweet, as always. Though now, with every gesture of goodwill, Kyungsoo feels as though it’s a sign that they suspect that something’s happening.

At the end of the day, Kyungsoo can’t tell apart Chanyeol’s smell from his own. He feels full, with or without Chanyeol near. And he feels warm, despite the chill of the spring night. Before they turn in for the day, Chanyeol pulls Kyungsoo towards him and makes sure they are cuddled together as they sleep. At this moment in time, Chanyeol is with him and there’s nothing to be afraid of. In the future, perhaps there might be. But not right now, not tonight.

 

**Act 5.**

It takes Baekhyun two hours to drive all the way to Anseong, not including the stops which add another thirty minutes to the drive.

Today, on the 13th of April, he was supposed to go clubbing, but he thinks he might be too tired out to do anything of the sort when he returns to the city.

Last week, he’d watched a drag show and danced all night long in Itaewon. He’d slept with a guy named Minseok, in a very large, very clean apartment in Gangnam. When he asked the guy what he did for a living, he hesitated and said, “Public relations,” which Baekhyun thought must have been a lie.

But at the time, Baekhyun didn’t care whether it was a lie or not. He just needed to get laid and laid did he get. It would probably be simplistic and gross to say that sex is his most favorite thing in the world, but yes, without a doubt: sex is his most favorite thing in the world. Below sex, there’s dancing, the night sky, a good park to walk in, a good breakfast before a tedious day at work, at a company he wishes he could leave but knows he can’t. Not yet, at least. Not when he has loans and an apartment to pay for.

Things that Baekhyun hates: Sports, having to participate in them for company games, basketball most especially. Art, the fact that he’s not good at it, the fact that he still wants to pursue it after so many failures, the fact that the only ones who appreciate his paintings are Kyungsoo and their apartment wall. Likewise, he hates the mornings and the afternoons, because they are so much less fun than the nights when he can go out and talk to cute boys -- or a particular boy who reminds him of a lion cub.

“You could be an idol, you know,” Minseok told him, while they kissed on the dancefloor.

“How could you tell?” Baekhyun said, brushing Minseok’s hair behind his ear.

“You’re a great dancer,” Minseok explained. “And your face. _Wow_.”

 _Wow_ , Baekhyun repeats to himself, as he drives his old Volvo towards Anseong.

Kyungsoo’s voice had been grave on the phone. Baekhyun could tell he’d been crying. He’d seen Kyungsoo cry before, only once, when he came home drunk after interviewing a particularly horrible CEO of an entertainment company. That time, Kyungsoo was all red and his voice had this hoarse quality, replicated in his last call.

In the morning that followed, Baekhyun told Kyungsoo that he looked funny when he cried, “So don’t ever think about doing that again, mister.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I won’t,” he’d said. “It’s just--I want this interview to go perfectly and I just hate it when people are such... _assholes_.”

“Nothing ever goes perfectly,” Baekhyun said. He knows Kyungsoo’s mom had always wanted him to be the perfect son and that he lived most of his childhood thinking he was meant to go on the path of least resistance: get a degree, become a lawyer, a doctor, or a high-ranking executive, then somewhere along the way, marry a beautiful woman. And Kyungsoo did get his degree, but he chose not to go on the path he was expected to take. Because of that, he’s always wanted to prove something to everyone who ever doubted him.

Which is why Baekhyun was so surprised when he learned Kyungsoo was running off with Park Chanyeol for something other than business. Baekhyun tried to talk him out of it, but Kyungsoo packed his bags with so much speed and he looked so happy as he ran to the car to be by Chanyeol’s side.

But now, Kyungsoo is probably crying at some run-down cafeteria, thinking he messed things up royally when he _should_ be blaming Park Chanyeol.

At one of his stops, Baekhyun checks his phone to surf the Internet for five minutes, just to breathe a bit before the impending storm. As soon as he opens his browser, he gets a notification on his Line messenger. Here, he finds a message from Minseok.

_Hey Baek. Was wondering if you were free tonight. Wanna go out for drinks?_

Baekhyun sighs. He would very much like to go out and have a drink, but duty calls.

 _Can’t_ , Baekhyun texts back. _On my way to Anseong right now._

Minseok’s reply to this makes Baekhyun’s eyebrows shoot up, then furrow. His head tilts to the right in wonder.

_No shit! Park Chanyeol’s there right now, you know. You might run into him._

Baekhyun decides, then, that he should call Minseok up and get some information. During his first attempt, Minseok doesn’t answer and Baekhyun starts to think he might’ve freaked him out.

“Hello? Baekhyun?”

But he does answer, and Baekhyun gets some much-needed details.

“Why the hell would you mention Park Chanyeol?”

“Woah, what’s with the attitude? It was just--Trivia. That’s all.”

“Was there something on the news?”

Minseok tells him that there is, but only snippets on tabloids, about Park Chanyeol going out with a lover in Anseong. There are no details about the lover’s identity or what they were actually doing.

“I kind of pay attention to this stuff,” Minseok says, laughing nervously. “I realize it might seem weird. Sorry.”

Baekhyun purses his lips. “Minseok, can I ask you favor?”

“Depends.”

“Could you update me if anything more comes up? Like, pictures or more info, things like that. I don’t know if I’ll get proper Internet connection where I’m going and--” He pauses, unsure of what comes next.

“And what?”

“And--just--This is important, okay? I’ll explain it to you some other time.”

The things Baekhyun does for his friends, really.

Time check: It’s past two o’clock. Baekhyun starts the ignition. As he drives, he curses to himself and when he has the chance, he pushes the horn for no one in particular. He can’t help but feel somehow responsible, for instigating a lot of what’s happened.

“Fucking _fuck_ ,” Baekhyun grumbles.

When he reaches Anseong, he can’t help feeling that he’s come too late. That he should’ve done something, that he should’ve warned Kyungsoo that something like this might happen. But as always, Baekhyun has been careless.

And all Baekhyun can do for Kyungsoo is listen to his story and hug him, as he lets out every hoarse breath against Baekhyun’s shoulder.

+++++

Their time in Anseong becomes a series of repetitions. There are events that stick out, like the one night they go to the cinema or the one night they go dancing. Otherwise, things merely repeat themselves, though not to a fault in Kyungsoo’s mind. The morning ritual: They rub each other off, then Kyungsoo takes a quick shower before he helps make breakfast. Usually, Chanyeol starts playing the guitar before everyone finds their seat at the table. In the afternoons, Kyungsoo reads and Chanyeol continues to play music; they go to the creek, stop by the restaurant, buy ingredients for dinner, go home, prepare the meal.

Kyungsoo grazes his fingers against the rice, washing it thoroughly before he turns on the cooker. It’s the start of the evening routine, which is followed by a family dinner, then idle chit-chat in the parlor.

On the 10th of April, Chanyeol goes missing in the morning and it’s the only break from the routine that comes to Kyungsoo by surprise.

Though he isn’t really missing, not really. He’d just gone out early, Youngmi tells Kyungsoo. Off to Seungwan’s parents to visit. Kyungsoo remembers Chanyeol mentioning them once and he remembers Chanyeol saying he’d be visiting them soon. But Kyungsoo didn’t know that day would be today and he didn’t know that he wouldn’t be coming along. Not that he particularly wants to -- he just assumed, given their new relationship, that Chanyeol would at least ask.

Kyungsoo shakes off this thought, knowing it’s crazy and unfounded. To take his mind off things, he busies himself by helping clean the house in the morning and attempting to make some progress on the book. It’s late in the afternoon when Chanyeol returns. Kyungsoo sees him from the upstairs window, traipsing across the garden path in thick sunglasses, striped shorts, and a long-sleeved Adidas sweater.

“Hey you,” Chanyeol says, sitting behind Kyungsoo on the bed, squeezing Kyungsoo’s shoulders in an apparent massage.

“Was wondering when you’d show up.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I totally forgot I was visiting today. Got a reminder on my phone early in the morning and I didn’t have time to say goodbye.”

This little piece of information brings Kyungsoo relief, though, for whatever reason, Kyungsoo still can’t admit to himself.

“I got a call today from the company,” Chanyeol tells him later, while he plays his guitar on the bed.

“What? When? What did they say?”

“Around lunchtime. They called me and, _god_ , they are pissed as all fuck. Wouldn’t worry about it though. I hung up on them before they could ask me again where I was.”

“Again? Have they called you before?”

“A couple of times. But don’t worry. I didn’t tell them anything.”

Kyungsoo crosses his arms. “I dunno about this,” he says. “I feel like--”

He feels like something is about to blow up soon, but Chanyeol interrupts this thought and says, “There’s nothing to worry about.”

Kyungsoo looks at him, concerned. The rest of the day, he decides not to say anything that might bother Chanyeol. Not to say anything that’s really on his mind. Not to say anything that might imply that what they have is as fragile as an egg in the hands of an inexperienced cook.

When he wakes up the next day, Chanyeol is already sitting up, knees bent against his chest. Not in his usual position, tangled with Kyungsoo’s body. They share a quiet glance and Chanyeol smiles in a way that feels forced. Kyungsoo does the same before he sits up, looking away from him, feeling like something is wrong but feeling too afraid to ask.

Kyungsoo goes downstairs to help with breakfast and Chanyeol stays in their room. They don’t discuss the reason behind the quiet. When Chanyeol comes down for breakfast, everything appears to be normal: He jokes around with his parents, then he plays some music once he finishes his toast.

But then he disappears, again, in the middle of the afternoon. If Kyungsoo knew two days ago that their routines would suddenly end, just like that, then he would have savored it.

Instead of wallowing, Kyungsoo decides to bike to town and go to the local bookstore. It’s a small place, with a few stools for patrons who want to sit and read. Kyungsoo takes on one of them, amused by a book on the town’s history. It says that Anseong used to be an economic center, long ago. There used to be a school here as well where Confucian scholars gathered to corroborate their writings. This place has since been destroyed and is now a mere signpost in the middle of town.

Kyungsoo buys this book and slips it into his sling bag for later. He stops by a clothing store afterward and buys a fedora, which he wears to lunch at a cafe a couple of blocks away. There, he continues to read and he thinks about Chanyeol. For a moment, he imagines Chanyeol leaving him here, alone with the Park family. Kyungsoo starts to think he wouldn’t mind if that happened. He starts to think he wouldn’t mind it if Chanyeol never talked to him again. What difference would there be? This is what Kyungsoo tells himself.

But then Kyungsoo finds himself biking to the place where they first kissed and he sits there, legs bent towards his chest. He throws in a single pebble and watches the water ripple. At his next deep breath, he realizes that a tear has fallen from his eye.

Kyungsoo bows his head and lets himself cry. His whole body feels heavy, like all the trees in this town have suddenly decided to fall on top of him.

He’s lucky that when he hears the sound of another bicycle pedaling near, Kyungsoo has already run out of tears. He mentally prepares himself to leave, but then Chanyeol suddenly appears, hair in a mess of curls, his eyes glassy and concerned.

“Hey,” he says, still mounted on his bicycle.

Kyungsoo tucks his lip then turns away. “Not tired of me yet?”

“I would never.”

The bicycle clinks to the ground and Kyungsoo closes his eyes, listening to the sound of Chanyeol’s footsteps on the grass.

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything. Chanyeol is beside him now. Kyungsoo can almost feel him even when his eyes are closed.

“Did they call you again today?”

“More than that,” Chanyeol says.

“And what does _that_ mean?”

Kyungsoo takes a quick glance at him. He wants to tell Chanyeol that he doesn’t have to hide anything, not from Kyungsoo. But as if by instinct, he doesn’t say it.

“Someone tracked me down,” Chanyeol says. “I met with them for lunch. It was someone from the company.”

“And what did you say?” Kyungsoo lets his hands fall to the ground, lets them take a mound of grass.

Suddenly, Kyungsoo’s face is taken by Chanyeol’s hands, palms flat against Kyungsoo’s cheeks. Chanyeol is glassy-eyed but serious. “I told them to fuck off,” he says. “I want to be with you.”

The way Chanyeol says this, in a way that feels true, without a stutter or pause -- it makes Kyungsoo believe. Despite everything, he believes him.

“Chanyeol, did you--did you ever think--when you first met me, did you ever think for a second that things might turn out like this?”

Chanyeol chuckles. “I didn’t think you were _that_ cute,” he says.

This makes Kyungsoo laugh. Things don’t feel quite right just yet, but at least Kyungsoo gets to laugh.

That night, they go dancing again, and this time, Kyungsoo doesn’t just sway in the dance floor while watching Chanyeol make a fool of himself. This time, Kyungsoo really dances and he finds that he’s good at it, that Chanyeol seems happy to see Kyungsoo move to the beat of the music. On the dancefloor, they laugh again. Laughing with Chanyeol, Kyungsoo thinks, might be his new favorite thing.

And then there’s dancing, which might as well be on his new list of favorites -- dancing with Chanyeol, dancing so happily that he feels like his limbs are about to go out. Baekhyun had always tried getting Kyungsoo to the dancefloor whenever they went out drinking. He danced a couple of times, never too often, because he never felt like he had to. But now, it feels like dancing is just the right reaction to everything that’s happened.

In this town, it seems the people are kind enough not to take any pictures. Not that there’s anything to take, because Chanyeol and Kyungsoo always made sure to avoid public displays of affection when in the presence of others: no holding hands, no kisses, no hugs.

Tonight, however, Kyungsoo slips and he reaches for Chanyeol’s neck. But before their lips meet, Chanyeol bows his head and reminds Kyungsoo of where they are, of who might be looking.

As the night wanes, Kyungsoo gets a little drunk, a little red in the cheeks. So his inhibitions decrease and once they’re outside the packed club, he pulls Chanyeol by the collar of his shirt and he kisses him, right on the sidewalk of Anseong. Again, Chanyeol pushes him away, laughs it off, and tells Kyungsoo that he’s drunk as if Kyungsoo doesn’t already know. As if Chanyeol has any right to tell Kyungsoo what he can and can’t do. “Just fucking kiss me, will you?”

As it turns out, this drunken stupor is not what does it.

The restaurant is full the next day and Chanyeol volunteers to help out in the kitchen however he can. Kyungsoo tries to convince the family to let him help as well but they insist on him resting as if the past few weeks haven’t already been a lifetime’s worth of rest. Still, Kyungsoo adheres to their wishes and he bikes back to the house after visiting the restaurant.

He brings out his phone to play music in the living room. Having left it off the past couple of days, Kyungsoo has not been able to read through any of his messages. Five new emails, it seems, have appeared on his inbox since the last time he checked. Usually, work emails come once every couple of weeks, only for a status report on the book, so Kyungsoo never worried about them before; however, the new emails are not of that nature and Kyungsoo has to sit to make sure he’s reading right.

 _From: leekwangsoo@daum.net_  
_To: dokyungsoo93@daum.net  
Subject: Park Chanyeol’s Whereabouts_

_8 April 2020_

_Mr. Do,  
It has come to our attention that Park Chanyeol has not reported to his company in the past month. Initially, he’d been on a short one-week vacation leave, but it seems he has extended this leave without informing SM Entertainment. That said, your last email indicates that you’ve been in contact with him during this time period and we would like to ask if you have any knowledge on his whereabouts._

_I hope to receive a response at the soonest time._

_Respectfully yours,_  
_Lee Kwangsoo_  
Head of Media and Public Relations  
Kpr  & Associates, Inc.

 

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows, reading through the next few emails on the same loop.

 

 _From: leekwangsoo@daum.net_  
_To: dokyungsoo93@daum.net  
Subject: Re: Park Chanyeol’s Whereabouts_

_9 April 2020_

_Mr. Do,  
We hope this reaches you well. Regarding yesterday’s email, we would very much appreciate a prompt response, as SM Entertainment has been persistent in their search for Park Chanyeol. Do reply when it suits you best._

_Respectfully yours,_  
_Lee Kwangsoo_  
Head of Media and Public Relations  
Kpr  & Associates, Inc.

_From: leekwangsoo@daum.net_  
_To: dokyungsoo93@daum.net  
Subject: Re: Park Chanyeol’s Whereabouts_

_9 April 2020_

_Mr. Do,  
Word has just arrived from SM Entertainment and they’ve informed us that they have located Mr. Park’s whereabouts. Still, we hope to hear from you at the soonest time._

_Respectfully yours,_  
_Lee Kwangsoo_  
Head of Media and Public Relations  
Kpr  & Associates, Inc.

_From: leekwangsoo@daum.net_  
To: dokyungsoo93@daum.net  
Subject: Re: Park Chanyeol’s Whereabouts

_Kyungsoo, where are you? Why did I get a call saying you’re out of town with Park Chanyeol? Why haven’t you answered any of our emails? Please reply as soon as possible._

_Thanks._

_Kwangsoo_

_From: leekwangsoo@daum.net_  
To: dokyungsoo93@daum.net  
Subject: Re: Park Chanyeol’s Whereabouts

_Kyungsoo,  
There are photos of you and Park Chanyeol in Anseong. They have not been published and we are trying our best to make sure nothing gets leaked._

_SM is demanding that you report to their office immediately. And I would also like for you to explain yourself to me. You are going to get our company in trouble, Kyungsoo. I’m in deep fucking shit._

_Kwangsoo._

 

The photos are attached to the very last email. It’s nothing incriminating, only Kyungsoo and Chanyeol taking a stroll around the town.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo goes. He almost throws his phone to the floor. “God _fucking_ dammit.”

He decides to call Kwangsoo, from whom Kyungsoo gets an earful. Lie after lie comes out of Kyungsoo’s mouth in an attempt to save face.

“ _What in god’s name are you thinking, Kyungsoo? Are you two together? I’m not one to meddle in your personal affairs, but this is unethical!_ ”

Kyungsoo gulps. “Look, it’s not what you think. We just went to his hometown to do a bit of research. That’s it.”

“ _But why didn’t you report this? Why keep it a secret?_ ”

“He--He told me to,” Kyungsoo says. “I swear, that’s the only reason.”

“ _Okay, even if that’s true, you have to report back here as soon as possible. Your ass in on the line._ ”

The rest of the day, Kyungsoo’s anxiety overcomes him and he’s left shaking as he crouches down beside the bed, covering his face with his hands and heaving haggard breaths.

Kyungsoo smacks his own forehead with his palm and he tries to think straight: He’s got to tell Chanyeol, as soon as he gets home, that this is over. And he’s got to figure out the fastest way to leave this place -- by bus, or train, or by a goddamn Uber car, for all he cares.

Dinner is rice with soft tofu stew. He turns on the steamer for the dumplings and chops a few vegetables for their side dish. It takes his mind off things until Chanyeol and his parents come home, the restaurant left in the care of their staff.

Kyungsoo reserves the news for after the dinner. He pulls Chanyeol to the bedroom, insisting that there’s something important that he has to say. Chanyeol makes a face, eyebrows scrunched together while Kyungsoo struggles to find the words.

“It’s hard for me to say this,” he goes.

“Hey, you can tell me. It’s me, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo swallows hard and decides, perhaps, it would be better to show him. He scrambles to get his phone, which he’d slipped under the sheets. Immediately, he opens his email and shows Chanyeol everything Kwangsoo sent him: from the messages to the pictures.

“Fuck,” Chanyeol goes, staring at the pictures as if he’s seen a ghost. “What. The. Fuck!”

Chanyeol slams the phone onto the bed, giving Kyungsoo a shock. He slouches and grabs his own hair, still cursing. Kyungsoo sits beside him and he feels that he’s about to cry.

“This is _my_ fault.” Kyungsoo wants to punch himself. He thinks about the first time they went to the creek, how he should have just kept his mouth shut and listened to Chanyeol when he told him that this was not a good idea.

“I should--I should just--” Kyungsoo stands and grabs his bag, starts to gather his shirts and all the things he left out in Chanyeol’s room. “God, I shouldn't have done this. I should not have just agreed to every _fucking_ thing that I’m asked to do. That’s what I do, you know? I just say yes to everything goddamn thing without thinking, just because I want to prove something. But I end up fucking over everything I fucking touch. I’m just--I’m bad luck!”

He sniffles and he slows as he crumples a shirt that he pushes into his backpack. He falls onto the floor and grabs onto his bag, not knowing what else there is to pack, what else would be worth bringing back. “I’m a _fucking_ good for nothing piece of shit who can’t keep his fucking mouth to himself. But I just--I just wanted--”

“Kyungsoo, stop it.”

Kneeling on the floor, Chanyeol grabs Kyungsoo’s arms and makes Kyungsoo face him. Kyungsoo is a mess of tears now, worsened by the exposure to Chanyeol’s eyes.

“Whatever you offered, I took it. It was _my_ choice as well. So don’t go blaming yourself for something that is not your fault.”

“Oh, c’mon, Chanyeol. That--that day at the creek--it was _me_ \-- _I_ was the one who forced this to happen. _I_ was the one who made this whole thing start.”

“Don’t. Don’t you dare.” Chanyeol holds Kyungsoo’s cheeks. His voice is soft and his touch is comforting, even just a little bit. “It’s not your fault, Kyungsoo.... Alright?”

Kyungsoo is not at all convinced, but he shuts up, not wanting to cause any more trouble.

They try to be level-headed. Chanyeol calls his manager and he arranges to be picked up tomorrow morning. Kyungsoo can take the car, Chanyeol says. And it’s best that they don’t leave at the same time, he adds. Kyungsoo only nods in agreement.

Chanyeol leaves the room when he gets another call from his manager and Kyungsoo sits on the floor, back against the wall as he makes out Chanyeol’s voice from outside, soft and unintelligible.

It feels strange to set the cot down on the floor but he does it anyway, thinking it would be best for tonight if they don’t sleep next to each other. When Chanyeol arrives, Kyungsoo is already lying down, body turned to his side in an attempt to avoid his gaze.

In truth, there’s nothing he wants more than to be able to hug Chanyeol and kiss him and feel Chanyeol’s body against his own.

He senses Chanyeol lingering above him before he hears him crash onto the bed. Kyungsoo closes his eyes tight and hopes, by some miracle, that he’s able to sleep very quickly.

“You don’t have to sleep there, you know.” When these words come, Kyungsoo’s heart starts beating wildly. He opens his eyes and wills himself to turn, unable to until Chanyeol adds, “I’d like to touch you if that’s okay. But if you’d rather not, I understand.”

It’s a ridiculous suggestion, Kyungsoo thinks, that he would ever deny Chanyeol of something Kyungsoo wants just as much. Slowly, he emerges from the cot and stands up to face Chanyeol, who sits with his feet flat on the floor. They give each other dark looks. Kyungsoo wants, very deeply, to sit on Chanyeol’s lap. So he does that: He sits on Chanyeol and wraps himself in Chanyeol’s embrace.

They rub their noses together and smell each other’s hair. It’s as if both of them are resisting the urge to kiss each other, just to make the initial contact feel all the more heart-wrenching. Chanyeol rubs his hands against Kyungsoo’s hips and Kyungsoo holds Chanyeol’s arms, appreciating their shape and the way his muscles bulge at the forearms. Still, they don’t kiss.

Their mouths only come together after they share another glance. Kyungsoo’s mouth falls open and he feels like he’s about to cry again, but then Chanyeol kisses him and for just a moment, Kyungsoo forgets.

It might be their very last night, which makes it even more difficult for Kyungsoo to find any words. He wants to tell Chanyeol that he’s amazing, that his body feels so good against his, that there’s no one in the world Kyungsoo has ever loved the way he loves Chanyeol. He’s fallen in love before. He thinks he has, at least. But now, he’s starting to doubt if anything he had with anyone else could have really been love because no other man has made him feel like this. Right now, as Chanyeol pins him down onto the bed, he feels as if he’s gaining sight for the very first time. Only now has everything become so clear.

The next day, Chanyeol is no longer there when Kyungsoo wakes up. For a moment, he thinks about screaming in fury, but he becomes too dejected to do anything. Instead, he just makes sure that everything is packed.

He sits on the bed, looking out the window, while he tries to gather the courage to face Chanyeol’s parents, who might still be downstairs. He thinks, perhaps, they might leave him alone if he stays here long enough. He hopes Chanyeol didn’t tell them to stay and look out for him. If Chanyeol did, Kyungsoo doesn’t how he could ever bear the humiliation.

His strategy doesn’t work. When he goes down, Youngmi is there and she offers him a smile from the dining table, where she’d been sitting with a book.

Kyungsoo bows and tell her that he has to go. “Thank you very much for letting me stay here. It’s been great, but I think it’s time for me to leave.”

“I understand,” Youngmi says. “But would you sit with me for a moment? There’s something I want to say.”

Kyungsoo hesitates but finds no other option but to sit beside her. He can barely look at her. Since he and Chanyeol got together, Kyungsoo has always felt that Youngmi knew, even though she never let on to any sort of knowledge on their relationship.

“There are things, Kyungsoo, that we can never really control,” she starts to say. Kyungsoo looks at her and sees that she’s serious, the smile wiped away from her small face. “I’ve learned that the hard way over years,” she says. “But I’ve also learned that there are also things that you should never leave to fate. Things that you have to fight for. Things that are _worth_ fighting for.”

“I--I don’t--”

“I know this might be hard to hear right now, but things will get better, my dear.” She rests her hand above Kyungsoo’s and looks at him straight in the eye. “I know you don’t believe that right now, and neither does my son. But I assure you, they will. I don’t know how, exactly, but I promise you they will.”

Youngmi hugs him and Kyungsoo finds himself without a reaction until Youngmi repeats herself, telling him that things will get better, so don’t worry. Only then does Kyungsoo hug back tightly.

“You know, I think Chanyeol was crazy to let you drive on your own. Is there no one out there who might be able to pick you up? It might be a long drive, but you’re better off waiting, my dear.”

Kyungsoo sniffles and wipes the tears from his cheeks. He nods and tells her there might be one person who could pick him up. Then, he thanks her again, while hugging her tight and crying on her shoulder.

He’s still in tears when Baekhyun picks up and he struggles to make his words intelligible. Baekhyun agrees without a thought and tells Kyungsoo to wait patiently. “I’ll be there,” Baekhyun says. “Just don’t do anything rash, okay?”

At this, Kyungsoo laughs. After all that’s happened, he doesn’t think he’ll be making any other rash choices anytime soon.

Before Kyungsoo leaves for good, he checks his phone for any texts or emails. There’s one from Kwangsoo asking when he’ll return and there’s none from Chanyeol. Kyungsoo doesn’t expect anything but feels sad about it nonetheless.

“He didn’t even leave a note,” Kyungsoo tells Youngmi, half-smiling, half-dejected.

“He’s a real coward, that man,” Youngmi says. She holds his hand, again. “But he loves you very much, Kyungsoo.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told me so himself,” she says. “And, well, I see it in his eyes whenever he looks at you. Reminds me of my husband, you know? It’s uncanny.”

Kyungsoo rests his head on Youngmi’s shoulder.

“I hope that’s true,” he says and decides, a little too late, to confess what he really feels. “Because I love him too. Very much so.”

 

**Act 6.**

The weeks pass, same as they always have since Chanyeol started playing in shows. Everything is quick; days seem like dots on an endless measure. The spring passes with rain filling the gutters of Seoul. Summer comes, drying everything off, and sunsets arrive much later than they ever have.

The news of his alleged lover dissipates with the seasons. They never deny nor confirm any of the claims. No discussions have been made on the future of his biography. In retrospect, he thinks it’s for the better that nothing is published regarding him, that he doesn’t have to release something full of half-truths, full of gaps about his life, never to be filled because of what it might do to him.

Chanyeol finds himself, once again, in Hangang Park. He wears a hat and sunglasses meant to conceal his identity. In a miniature bowl in front of him are two scoops of chocolate gelato that he can barely finish. Since he and Kyungsoo stopped talking, even his most favorite desserts have lost their sweetness.

“You’ve given it enough time, haven’t you?” Oh Sehun says, as he sits across from Chanyeol on their table for three. “So why don’t you just go ahead and call him?”

“Look, kid, I know you think you’ve gotten all mature and shit since getting in the company, but it’s just not that simple. And I brought you here for ice cream, not for advice.”

From her place beside him, Seungwan slaps Chanyeol’s arm. “You are _such_ a goddamn coward.”

“What _she_ said,” Sehun says, then eyes Chanyeol’s ice cream. “You going to eat that?” he asks.

“You can have it,” Chanyeol says.

Chanyeol and Seungwan share a look. “You invited me here today for a reason, Chanyeol,” Seungwan says. “And I’m pretty sure it’s not to meet this kid over here. There’s something you want to do and you need my advice on how to do it.”

As always, Seungwan is right. About two things, actually. She’s right when she says that Chanyeol is a coward, because he called her here, brought her out of her office, only to end up freezing when asked about what he really wants. She’s right about him needing advice: because he wants to talk to Kyungsoo now, but he doesn’t know how he should do it, when, where, and what exactly he should say. What should he tell Kyungsoo? That he’s sorry? That he misses him? That he wants to get back together? What is there to say, really, after all that Kyungsoo’s had to go through?

“Now spit it out,” Seungwan says, reminding Chanyeol, eerily, of Kyungsoo and the way he said those same words to him, full of so much derision when Chanyeol called him all those months ago just before their road trip across Korea.

Still, it isn’t enough for him to go out and say what he wants to say. A lot of people think he’s the type of person to say what he means all the time, but the people who know him best -- his mom and dad, Seungwan, Kyungsoo -- they know what he’s really like. They know how much he keeps to himself and how much of an idiot he is when it comes to the things that really matter.

It’s the same idiocy that made him leave Kyungsoo without a word when he should have woken him up, when he should have promised him: _I’ll come back. Just wait for me, please, Kyungsoo._ It’s the same idiocy that brought him to silence when he heard Kyungsoo’s voice on the other line of the phone, just a week after they last saw each other. “ _Hello?” Kyungsoo said. “Chanyeol? I know you’re there. Please talk to me._ ”

But Chanyeol didn’t talk. As always, he never has the courage to talk. He sent one email during their time apart. It was short -- too short, he thinks. _Kyungsoo_ , he wrote. _I know you’re confused right now about what happened. But I hope things are ending between us without hard feelings. Yes, it’s over and we have to let each other go. Still, there’s nothing more that I can wish for but to see you happy._

For this, Chanyeol received no reply. Not that he had any expectations that Kyungsoo would reply to something that felt so distant and dishonest.

“Sehun, why don’t you go back to the building without me?” Chanyeol says. They are almost out of Hangang Park when he says this. Sehun pouts at him but agrees to it anyway, leaving Chanyeol and Seungwan alone on a park bench.

“I think you should ask him out to dinner,” Seungwan says, as she accepts the cigarette that Chanyeol offers her.

Chanyeol slouches, blows smoke into the air. “I won’t know what to say to him,” he says. “He’ll be mad and I won’t know what to fucking say.”

“What do you _want_ to say?”

“I just--I want to ask him if he wants to be with me again. And I want to tell him I’m sorry.”

“Is that all?”

“And that I love him.”

Seungwan squeezes Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Then that’s what you should say, Chanyeol. He’ll appreciate that. Might not give you what you want. He might hate your fucking guts. But honestly is still the best route. Believe me.”

 _You’re wrong_ , he wants to say, at first, but he also knows that he has to give it a try. Otherwise, he’d get nowhere and wallow in his regrets for all eternity.

Park Chanyeol is twenty-nine years old. Out of all the things he’s had to do in this life, he thinks this must be the hardest.

Chanyeol hates confrontation. It’s what’s gotten him into trouble with a lot of his past relationships. When something goes wrong, he’d never talk to them. With his first boyfriend, Jae, as soon as the smallest conflict started, he never bothered to talk to him again. With Jongdae, he never tried to make things right once things went quiet between them. The minute Jongdae suggested that they break up, the minute that Jongdae told him that there might be someone else, Chanyeol had no qualms and just let everything slide.

But Chanyeol loves Kyungsoo. He loves the way Kyungsoo smiles at him, as if all the stars in the universe have gathered around his face. He loves how Kyungsoo cares for people: tirelessly and unquestioningly. He loves that Kyungsoo is patient and kind and quiet and unbelievably cute when he has to lean up to kiss Chanyeol’s cheek.

“Hi, it’s me,” Chanyeol starts, as the phone goes straight to voicemail.

He swallows. Above him, it looks like the clouds are clearing up to the sun.

“It’s Chanyeol. And--I know you might not want to talk to me right now, and that’s totally fine. You don’t have to talk to me ever again if you don’t want to.”

Chanyeol looks behind him. Seungwan is still there, her arms crossed as she listens. She nods, “Go on. Don’t be scared.”

“I--just called to say that I wanted to see you. That I _want_ to see you. And that I hope I could see you on Friday? You remember Pierre Gagnaire? We can eat there again. My treat, of course. Just--let me know if you’re free, okay? And I hope you’re well.”

Before the day comes that Chanyeol has to meet him, he thinks there is much to do, much to sort out to make sure nothing can get in their way ever again.

On a Wednesday, Chanyeol meets with the company’s executives and two of the band’s managers.

“I understand that you’re here to discuss your contract?” Soo-man says. He and Chanyeol are sitting on opposite ends of the conference table: the artist and the CEO.

“I am,” Chanyeol says. “And I’m here to tell you all that I won’t sign it.”

These words leave all the people in the room dumbfounded. Chanyeol crosses his arms.

“Chanyeol, that’s crazy,” his manager says. “Is this about what happened last spring? I assure you, that’s all been forgotten.”

“Yes! And what about your band members? Have you discussed this with them?” another executive says.

Chanyeol huffs. “I have,” he says. “And, well, they said I should do what I think is right.”

“And _this_ is what you think is right?” his manager says. “You’re throwing away your career!”

“I can make music with whatever company I want. It doesn’t have to be here.” Chanyeol looks directly at Soo-man. “But since you’re all so adamant about this, I think I might be willing to discuss things.”

Soo-man narrows his eyes and scratches his chin. Chanyeol smiles at him and he smiles back. “I’m listening,” Soo-man says.

Despite appearances, Chanyeol’s heart races and his hands start to clam up as he explains, point-by-point what he wants out of the next contract. His mouth almost goes dry but he soldiers on. Among other conditions, Chanyeol commits to a contract that allows him to date whomever he wants. And he asks that Kpr and Associates -- Kyungsoo’s old company -- is no longer penalized for what happened all those months ago. The partnership between SM and Kpr should be restored, Chanyeol says.

They tell him he’s crazy, that he’s being unreasonable, that he’s only doing this for the boy he was caught with all those months ago. To this, Chanyeol says, “Take it or leave it.” He doesn’t give a flying fuck what these people think. At the end of the day, what matters is that he’s made an effort to do what he thinks is right, what he thinks may be able to fix whatever has been broken by time and by circumstance.

+++++

It must have been a blessing in disguise to have been let go from a job, only to be hired at a much better company soon after. At the Chosun Ilbo, Kyungsoo works from 9 to 5 as a feature writer. Most of his assignments, so far, have been book reviews. But he also gets to write about politics. His latest piece was about the rise of feminist activism in the city. It’s a piece, he thinks, that was worth all the time and painstaking effort; it’s something he thinks he’ll be proud of for the rest of his life.

In his desk drawer at home -- the middle one, to be specific -- he keeps a folder with everything he’s written over the past years. He keeps pieces dating back to his time with the school publication at his old uni. There are pieces as well from his time at Kpr, mostly news featurettes with interviews from people in showbiz. Along with these, he still keeps a few chapter drafts that were supposed to be for Chanyeol’s biography.

Over the weeks, it’s as if he’s been slowly forgetting what happened between them, as he adds more and more pieces of writing into this folder. He manages not to think of Chanyeol for many days.

But then, he receives the call and all the emotions leftover from their trip around Korea resurfaces.

He sleeps on it, thinking about what he should do. The next day, he finds that he and Baekhyun are not alone for breakfast, that Baekhyun’s boyfriend had stayed for the night and is now eating his share of eggs on toast.

Baekhyun is in the bathroom when Kyungsoo and Minseok finally speak.

“You know you don’t need to act so weird around me,” Minseok says. “I’m with Baekhyun now, yeah? You have nothing to worry about.”

“I’m not worried,” Kyungsoo says, and leaves it at that.

“Right.” Minseok offers him a smile. “I’m glad we can be friends.”

“Sure.” Kyungsoo taps his fingers on the table. “Look, I know you're aware of what happened between me and Chanyeol. And I’m happy you’ve kept everything quiet. And I’m glad you’re making Baekhyun happy too. And--Okay, I just--I wanted to ask you…”

“What? What is it?”

“How _is_ he?”

Minseok sighs.

He doesn’t know anything, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know why he expected Minseok to have anything at all; he doesn’t know why he even bothered to ask. After all that’s happened, he shouldn’t want to know anything about him.

Youngmi’s words, however, come to mind once again. She promised him that things will get better.

So Kyungsoo accepts Chanyeol’s invitation and he goes to the restaurant where they had their first lunch date. During the day, Kyungsoo prepares his best brown coat, a red tie, a clean white shirt, and his newest pair of khakis. The day before, he went to the barbers for a haircut. It all feels like a big farce, but a sorely needed one.

When Kyungsoo arrives, Chanyeol is already there, sitting alone in one of the booths. When their eyes meet, Chanyeol lights up, though his mouth quirks up only a little, as if he’s holding something back. Kyungsoo approaches him slowly, almost to the beat of the piano playing softly in the background.

“I was wondering if you were actually going to come,” Chanyeol says.

“I never break a promise,” Kyungsoo says.

Chanyeol smirks, then glances away for a second. He puts his arms on the table and he laces his fingers together, as if in prayer.

“You look good,” Chanyeol says. “You look really, really good..”

Kyungsoo doesn’t reply. He only stares and holds his knees. The quiet lingers as a waitress comes to serve them drinks. Hesitant, Kyungsoo gives her his order and Chanyeol follows suit.

“I read the piece you wrote for Chosun Ilbo,” Chanyeol says. “The one about activism?”

“Feminist activism,” Kyungsoo clarifies.

“Right.” Chanyeol smiles. “I thought it was wonderful,” he says. “It must have been difficult to get ahold of all those people.”

“Yes, it was. But it’s been great otherwise. I love my job.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“What about you? How have you been?”

Chanyeol’s mouth parts, as if he doesn’t expect the question. Kyungsoo presses on, “Have you been writing music?”

“I have,” Chanyeol says. “And I just renewed my contract with the company.”

“So you’re staying on?”

“Yes, I am. I--I gave them conditions though.”

“What sort of conditions?”

Chanyeol explains, then, what he asked them to do for Kpr and what he told them to do about his contract. “They’ll let me date anyone now,” he says, looking down at his drink before taking a sip. “Not that it matters.”

A brief silence sits between them. Kyungsoo breathes out. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter.”

Chanyeol chuckles. “Yeah,” he nods. “But I just thought you should know.”

“Well. Is there nothing more?”

Silence, again. The food arrives soon after. They start eating the pasta without a word.

When half of his food is gone from his plate, Kyungsoo excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Once there, he slams the door shut and he begins to curse in front of the mirror as he splashes water onto his face. It takes all of Kyungsoo’s strength to prevent himself from crying. He’s cried enough in the past months.

Kyungsoo stares at himself. He thinks about running out of this restaurant, because everything feels useless. Chanyeol isn’t going to say anything substantial and neither will Kyungsoo. “ _Fuck_ ,” he goes, then tells himself, again, that he’s not allowed to cry.

The door to the bathroom opens. Kyungsoo takes some tissue off the dispenser to wipe his hands and his face.

It’s only when he turns around that he realizes who actually opened the door.

“Hey.”

“What are you doing here?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “I dunno. I just--I thought, for some reason, it might be easier to talk to you if we were alone in the bathroom? Which...now that I think about it--” He laughs, head bowed. “It’s pretty ridiculous.”

Kyungsoo bites his lip. “God,” he says, shaking his head. “We’re both horrible at this, aren’t we?”

“Useless, the both of us.”

“Complete idiots, if you ask me.”

“Oh, I agree. I definitely agree.”

Kyungsoo chuckles. Seeing Chanyeol like this, looking like a defenseless puppy, makes Kyungsoo want to hug him. “I really missed you,” he says, then gasps. He draws near him and decides, then, that he really wants to wrap his arms around Chanyeol’s body.

“I missed you too.” Chanyeol hugs him back and it feels so, so good to be back in his arms. Kyungsoo almost forgot how good it felt, how big Chanyeol was, how small Chanyeol’s arms made Kyungsoo feel.

“I wanna get out of here,” Kyungsoo says, burying his face in Chanyeol’s chest. “Could we just pay and leave?”

“Of course,” Chanyeol says. “Anything.”

It feels as if they are running again. As they leave the restaurant, Kyungsoo imagines that they’re hiking up another mountain. Then he imagines that they’re running across Anseong, that the bookstore on the street is actually the one in Chanyeol’s hometown, that Pierre Gagnaire is actually Youngmi and Sungjin’s restaurant.

When they arrive at Chanyeol’s house, it feels as if they are back in Chanyeol’s childhood bedroom, where they first had sex. Kyungsoo holds onto Chanyeol tight, while the memory sweeps through his mind’s eye. Chanyeol’s bedroom here is different, of course. It has much of the same smell, but it’s less empty. And Kyungsoo thinks this is good. He feels there’s more of Chanyeol here than anywhere else.

They take off their shoes and their coats and they sit together on the bed. Kyungsoo hooks his foot with Chanyeol’s ankle and he rests his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder, comfortable.

“I don’t know why but I just knew you were trouble the moment I met you,” Chanyeol says.

Kyungsoo smiles. “I got you pegged, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Chanyeol laughs. Kyungsoo notices Chanyeol’s fingers curling on his lap. Briefly, Kyungsoo wonders what Chanyeol is so afraid of.

“I’m yours, you know,” Kyungsoo says. “If you actually want me, that is. I’ve mulled this over so many times over the past few days and I haven’t changed my mind.”

“I don’t want you to be mine. I’ve put you through enough shit because I felt like I owned you. But I don’t.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you and that I don’t want you to feel that you have to do anything for me just because I want you to. I just --”

“God, Chanyeol. Just stop overthinking it, okay?” Kyungsoo kisses Chanyeol’s shoulder. “I love you a lot. And, if you say you love me, then--I dunno. Let’s do something about it.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“Don’t ask me that. Just decide on your own.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol says. Kyungsoo nuzzles himself closer, hoping to feel more of Chanyeol’s warmth. He hopes it’s clear to Chanyeol that he wants Chanyeol to hold him, that if there’s anything he could do -- there’s that.

Fortunately, Kyungsoo feels Chanyeol embrace him and give him a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Love you,” Kyungsoo tells him.

“Me too,” Chanyeol says, holding Kyungsoo’s cheeks, kissing him, smiling. “More than you’ll ever know.”

His words make Kyungsoo’s heart race. Kyungsoo melts in Chanyeol’s touch and his mind fixates on the fact that Chanyeol is so _large_ and that he’ll never get over how much Chanyeol towers over him, how great it is, how comfortable it makes Kyungsoo feel.

When they have sex that night, Kyungsoo feels his heart bursting out of his chest with each slow thrust Chanyeol jabs into him. Something about being fucked while knowing he’s loved in such an ardent, indescribable way drives Kyungsoo crazy. Chanyeol’s bedsheets become caked with Kyungsoo’s sweat; he holds Chanyeol’s back as if his life depended on it. And for all intents and purposes, his life most certainly did, as Chanyeol’s cock hits all the right spots to make Kyungsoo scream.

“You’re so good at this,” Kyungsoo pants, mad with lust as Chanyeol fucks him slow. “You’re so fucking good at this, _god_.”

Chanyeol punctuates his words with each thrust, “Blame-- _yourself_ \--” He pants, cock slipping out of Kyungsoo’s heat. Kyungsoo gives him a knowing stare and he hooks his legs around Chanyeol’s body, hoping to get filled again, quickly.

Kyungsoo licks into Chanyeol’s mouth and grabs one of Chanyeol’s biceps, the other hand appreciating the sturdiness of Chanyeol’s stomach. He moans when Chanyeol breaks this contact and lifts Kyungsoo up, making Kyungsoo sit on him.

He hates that Chanyeol just _knows_ how much he enjoys this: being held at the waist, lifted up, and fucked open until his body goes limp.

As Chanyeol speeds up, Kyungsoo has to cover his own mouth to hold back his screams. As always, Chanyeol does him good and fucks his orgasm out of him, reducing Kyungsoo to a quivering mess, incoherent babbles escaping him. Chanyeol isn’t too far behind, his face weary and his moans growing louder as a lead up to his release, punctuated with one final “ _fuck_.”

If someone were to ask him now, Kyungsoo reckons he’d say that his most favorite thing in the world would be the way Chanyeol’s arms feel around him when they’re both fucked out and utterly sated. To add to that, he’d say that he loves how Chanyeol’s smell sticks to him, even hours after they’ve parted. More so, he loves the tired way Chanyeol licks the edge of Kyungsoo’s mouth as they lay in bed together, just waiting until they both fall asleep.

And if he’s going to provide a list of things he hates most in the world, he figures he could narrow it down to three. The first: how Chanyeol insists they stay in bed on such a fine sunny day. The second: how Kyungsoo agrees to it anyway, unable to say no to anything Chanyeol says. The last, but of course not the least: how Kyungsoo feels dizzy every time he remembers what Chanyeol tells him the morning after they make up.

“I’ve decided to stay with you forever,” Chanyeol says, his smile bright as they lie together under the sheets. He smooths his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair and kisses him softly on the lips. “But you probably already know that, don’t you?” he adds.

For days, when Kyungsoo thinks of these words, he gets dizzy. Baekhyun calls Kyungsoo out about his frequent trances, moments when Kyungsoo spaces out as he remembers Chanyeol’s words and how his lips felt, how Chanyeol fucked him again right after, making Kyungsoo cum so hard with his fingers. “You are so fucking gross,” Baekhyun tells him, and Kyungsoo agrees, hiding his face behind his palms.

“I never thought it would turn out this way,” Baekhyun says. He’s washing the dishes, while Kyungsoo smiles into a pillow on the sofa. “Thought he’d always be a coward. That’s what Minseok thought too. But I guess we were wrong.”

It’s during the next weekend that Kyungsoo sees Chanyeol again. Chanyeol picks him up in front of the apartment building and he drives them off to a restaurant in the Gangnam district.

They play music and Chanyeol sings in a manner so loud that Kyungsoo fears someone would hear from outside and be able to tell that he’s in this car with a superstar.

In the sling bag Kyungsoo brings along to their date, he keeps the notebook where he used to write every detail he’d discover that was relevant to the Park Chanyeol biography. He thinks he might resume this work; he thinks he might pitch the idea to Chanyeol someday, since he’s already got so much written that it would feel like a waste to let his words rot inside a folder.

At this moment in time, Kyungsoo doesn’t know that the book will, in fact, be published someday and that Park Chanyeol will not care about whatever is written about him. Though Kyungsoo makes sure nothing is included that might cause Chanyeol to be uncomfortable, that might cause him too much judgment from media people and the general public. Kyungsoo focuses, instead, on Chanyeol and his family. Chanyeol and his friendships. Chanyeol and his love for music.

It will not be a perfect book. It will not be the most well-received book by critics or reviewers. Fans will anticipate it and line up in every bookstore just to buy it. But it won’t be anything big. But it will, in fact, be special -- because Kyungsoo offers each and every word as a gift to the people Chanyeol loves and to Chanyeol himself.

In the spring of next year, just as the book is about to be released by an independent publisher, Do Kyungsoo and Park Chanyeol leave for Anseong once again.

At this moment in time, people like Oh Sehun, Son Seungwan, and Byun Baekhyun are lining up to purchase their copies. Kim Minseok downloads his illegally and reads it from start to finish in one night. Lee Youngmi receives her copy not long after, finding it sealed in a box with a bow and a card.

The cover features a picture of Chanyeol from his first year as a recording artist with _Red Force_. His face is considerably smaller and his smile is unrestrained. At the back, there’s a letter that Chanyeol wrote for all his fans. After each chapter, there are photos attached: Chanyeol with his family in Anseong, Chanyeol with Seungwan, Chanyeol with the whole band, Chanyeol by himself, working on music in his studio. All these pictures, Kyungsoo handpicked himself.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol witness when Anseong’s bookshop owner places the biography on display. They glance at each other and smile when they see it, though they bike away not long after, just in case anyone might notice them.

It feels almost like a dream, biking in Anseong in the middle of spring. It might as well be a dream and Kyungsoo could wake up and find himself in his apartment. He may realize that this has all been an elaborate reverie that he made and that he’s still very much Chanyeol’s assistant and he’s still having problems getting any information from a very stubborn man.

But none of this is a dream. “It’s hard to believe,” Kyungsoo says, a smile creeping up his lips as they ride through a grassy path. “--that this is all real.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything, but Kyungsoo finds that he’s smiling.

At twenty-six years old, this is Kyungsoo’s life: He is in love with a man who loves him back; things are not perfect for him and they never will be. But Kyungsoo is content with that knowledge. He’s content with the restrictions and the things that make this relationship difficult. He’s content because there are so many other things that make this easy: Chanyeol’s lips, his hands, his arms, the way he says Kyungsoo’s name.

At the end of the day, Kyungsoo is content and that is all the general public will ever need to know about him. The author of Park Chanyeol’s biography is twenty-six years old and he lives in an apartment with his best friend somewhere in the city. Sometimes, he drives to Anseong to visit people who are close to his heart. His most favorite things in the world are still the quiet of early morning trains, the smell of new books, the calming feeling he gets when grazing his fingers against grains of rice dipped in water. To add to that list, he has Park Chanyeol, who at this moment in time, is dancing in a creek, pulling Kyungsoo in, making Kyungsoo laugh, saying unintelligible things, and just like Kyungsoo: feeling utterly content with what his life has become and what it still might turn into, as the weeks go by and the spring turns, inevitably, into summer.

 

**Fin.**


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